


Secrets of Love

by stylinzarrysexualxo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Attempt at Humor, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Everything is just tense, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay Sex, Liam is still daddy direction, Louis is like a big kid, M/M, Niall really likes being an uncle, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Past Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Pining, Post Mpreg, Reunions, Rimming, Secret Children, Sex Toys, Smut, The boys are uncles, Touring, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Zayn is really stupid and oblivious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-03-22 16:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3736144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinzarrysexualxo/pseuds/stylinzarrysexualxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a night out with the lads, Zayn and Harry share a little more than midnight memories. A month later, Harry leaves the tour, citing personal reasons. No one knows the real reason. Years later, when the boys agree to do a comeback tour and gather to discuss it, the boys discover Harry has a secret that will rock their worlds, especially a particular boy. But can Harry keep the whole truth from him for long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just thought of this recently tbh.
> 
> I just started it. The tags are probably a giveaway but eh.

_The music is pounding and the lights are flashing. Harry feels like he's caught in some sort of loud and hazy dreamland. It could be that he's just really drunk too._

_The lads had dragged him out to celebrate a successful first half of the tour when all he really wanted to do was sleep._

_He and Louis had taken several tequila shots with Niall while Liam stood by watching and shaking his head in disbelief. After all these years, he still had that Daddy Direction complex. Once in a while he and Louis would get him to break out of it and join them though._

_The tequila had his head floating and blood burning like molten lava. Zayn was far ahead of them as far as drinks went. He hadn't stopped drinking since they got to the club. He was leaning at the far end of the bar, chatting up some pretty brunette with a too tight skirt on and a shirt so low cut Harry was surprised her boobs hadn't fallen out._

_Zayn and Perrie had broken up a couple weeks ago because she had claimed she didn't trust him anymore after the countless cheating rumors piling against him. Harry already knew they were all bullshit. Zayn may have made that mistake when he was younger but he was a man now and he respected his relationship more.. However, a few days afterward, she was photographed lip locking with her makeup artist._

_Zayn had seen red when he saw the article and closed himself off for a few days. Now he assumed Zayn was enjoying his independence and taking advantage of his single status. Seeing Zayn flirting with someone else upset Harry in ways he couldn't understand at this particular level of drunkenness. He also couldn't understand why he was moving closer to the pair but before he knew it he was stood next to them._

_"Hey Haz." Zayn said, the alcohol making his voice slurred and deep. It sounded like slow dripping honey and it made Harry shiver._

_The brunette turned to look at him and flashed him a strained grin. Obviously she wasn't too thrilled he'd interrupted them and she definitely didn't hide her disappreciation of his presence._

_"Hi. Can I borrow you please?" Harry asked, smiling innocently at the girl who looked like she wanted to set him on fire with her gaze._

_"Sure." Zayn agreed, stepping away from the bar and walking away with Harry, his hand on the small of the younger boy's back, vaguely hearing the girl scoffing behind him at being left._

_"What did you need, babe?" Zayn asked after they'd stopped walking._

_Harry flushed. Good thing the club was dark. Whether it was a newfound sense of bravery or the tequila Harry found himself mumbling, "Just wanted you away from her."_

_Zayn cracked a small smile before resting his hands on the boy's hips, pinning him gently against the wall behind him. "Why? You want me all to yourself?" he whispered._

_Harry's mouth went dry feeling Zayn's breath flow over him. He nodded, barely able to contain the whimper that threatened to slip loose at feeling Zayn's body pin him back against the surprisingly cold wall of the club._

_"Lets go back to the hotel." the older boy whispered again and they were off, not even stopping to say goodbye to the boys as they went._

_It was probably one of the best nights of Harry's life. To put it bluntly, Zayn was amazing. Not that it was much of a surprise when he looked like sex everyday. He was so gentle in the beginning, taking the utmost care but when Harry wanted things more rough, all it took was whimpering "Zayn. Harder." in his ear and Zayn definitely didn't disappoint. He was lucky he could still walk the next day. Especially without making it obvious because he knew Louis would be in his business about it if he could tell._

_A month later, things took a turn. He and Zayn weren't anything other than friends. As a matter of fact, they never hooked up again. It was like it never happened. It wasn't all that surprising to Harry honestly._

_The middle of that month it was announced that One Direction would be going on hiatus. The only reason cited was that Harry needed a break. When it was discussed, the boys agreed but none of them knew the exact reason why he needed it. They believed that only Paul and management knew the truth but none of them would push to find out._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> Don't be afraid to leave a comment.


	2. Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I basically wrote all this while I was at school...
> 
> Yay me. There's usually little to no inspiration there.

It had been three years and eleven months since he'd seen the boys last. He would text them of course, always keeping up to date on how they were, letting them know he was fine, but when it came to meeting up like they often asked, he'd make up some type of excuse.

" _I'm feeling under the weather._ "

" _Sorry i'm babysitting for Lou._ "

" _My mum needs me around the house._ "

The truth was he really just didn't want to have to explain why he left so abruptly and why he'd been gone. He knows they want answers even though they're too nice to ask for them bluntly, but how did he explain this?

He didn't know how to explain he'd left to have his son. He didn't know how to explain why it was such a secret. Although maybe he did. He knew when he got pregnant just who the father was and maybe that's the reason he fled. It was unfair of him to keep it to himself but he was so scared that it seemed like the only option he had. Until Lucas started asking questions about his other dad.

When Lucas was old enough to understand, he really was a brilliant 3 year old, Harry made sure Lucas knew he had two daddies instead of a mommy and a daddy. He thought it might help him growing up, teaching him tolerance and understanding but then Lucas constantly asked where his other daddy was and the guilt ate him up inside every time he was asked. He let it swallow him whole as he replied "I don't know, baby."

He and Zayn talked occasionally but not once did he ever bring up Lucas. Anyone who saw the little boy and knew Zayn would be able to tell right away that Lucas was his son. He had Zayn's dark hair, brown eyes, and thin lips. He got Harry's dimples and pale complexion though. He was the perfect copy of both of them which made Harry apprehensive about meeting up with the boys like Louis had planned.

Louis had called and told him that he and the boys were planning a meet up soon and that he "can't miss it Harold or i'll drag you by the ear". Harry knew better than to argue with Louis so he agreed but he had no one to watch Lucas. Gemma was out of town with Ashton and Robin and his mum had taken a holiday. Guess he'd have to take him along. He'd have to face them soon anyway. Its not like he could ever hide Lucas anyway, they would find out sooner or later.

They had decided to meet in the old dressing room of a venue they had once played at. Odd choice for a reunion destination but that was Louis for you. Should have known better than to let him plan this. 

When he opened the door, the room was empty but the light was on so someone must be somewhere. He took off his jacket and then helped Lucas out of his own jacket, sitting on the chair in the middle of the room. The memories of being in this room when their career was just starting to blossom flowed into his brain.

Suddenly, the door opened and Louis came in, bum first, carrying a bunch of food he must have bought. Harry knew he wouldn't subject them to his cooking because he was a menace in the kitchen. Harry stood up, moving behind him. 

"Need help?" he asked. 

Louis jumped but turned around, his eyes wide. "Hazza!" he screeched, setting things down and pouncing at Harry. 

Harry chuckled and let go of the older boy. "Miss me?"

Louis punched him in he arm so hard he thought his arm would disattach from his body. He must have been working out. 

"Ow! What was that for?!" Harry exclaimed.

"That's what you get for just disappearing for years! I think I have a right to know what happened." he replied, crossing his arms over his chest, giving Harry an expectant look. 

"Daddy?" a tiny, shaky voice sounded from behind him.

"Daddy?" Louis repeated in a questioning tone.

Harry moved around the chair and over to the little boy who was now standing on the couch that was next to the chair he'd just been sitting on. He was biting his lip out of nervousness.

"Yeah, um. Louis this is my son." Harry said, laughing nervously. 

"Excuse me? Your son?!" 

Lucas flinched and buried his face into Harry's neck. "Lou. Please don't freak out. I'm freaking out enough myself."

"How did this happen?" Louis asked. 

"I hooked up with someone and I got pregnant." Harry said. He totally forgot that Louis didn't know he and Zayn had hooked up. They had left without a word and Harry was back in his hotel room before Louis woke up.

"That's why you've been gone? Haz why didn't you tell us? Were you embarassed or something?" Louis moved closer to the both of them and Lucas snuggled further into Harry, clearly a bit scared of the older boy since he'd been yelling.

Harry looked away, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth again. 

Louis finally got a good look at the little boy when Lucas looked at him with curiosity in his eyes. "Um. Haz you realize he looks like.." he trailed off, realization hitting him like a ton of bricks. "Holy fuck."

Harry looked up from the floor to the older boy stood in front of him in shock.

"He looks like..." Louis couldn't quite get the name out of his mouth, he was too shocked.

"Zayn?" Harry finished for him, Louis nodding his agreement numbly. "Yeah, there's a reason for that."

Louis plopped down on the chair, mouth slightly hanging open. "He's the father?"

Harry nodded slowly, his arm wrapping around Lucas' shoulders, he sat on the couch opposite Louis, the little boy cuddling up to Harry.

"Fuck Haz, you have to tell him. Why didn't you in the first place?!" Louis asked, his voice rising again. He couldn't believe Harry had left for years and Zayn was still in the dark about the fact that he had a son.

"You really think Zayn would want this? I knew that it was just sex. I wasn't going to waste my time when he wasn't looking for anything past a hook up. Besides he wasn't ready for this. He and Perrie just split up and he was enjoying his freedom, Lou. I just couldn't." Harry sighed, running his fingers through Lucas' dark hair. 

He knew his reasoning made sense to him but to others he wasn't so sure if it was common sense or fear that was controlling him.

"Harry, you have no idea how he would have handled it because you didn't let him make the choice." Louis replied. He sounded disappointed. "You need to tell him when he gets here."

Harry felt panic rise in his chest. "I can't, Louis. Please."

"This kid is obviously a carbon copy of Zayn. You think no one is going to know? Liam and Niall are going to figure it out. While we won't say anything, it doesn't mean Zayn should remain in the dark about it!" 

"Lou." Harry's voice cracked, tears forming in his eyes. "I just can't. I don't want to risk it."

The older boy took one look at his best friend's panicked, disheveled state and finally figured out why it was such an issue. "You like him don't you?"

Harry scoffed. "This isn't about me. Its about Lucas. What if I tell him and he still wants nothing to do with him? I don't want Lucas to find out who his father is only to be turned away. I'm thinking of my son." 

"You didn't answer my question." Louis stated, calmly, observing Harry. He knew there must be something deeper that's keeping his best friend from being honest and he was going to find out.

Harry avoided Louis' gaze which was trained on him. "Yeah so what if I do? This isn't about me like I said."

"Hazza you're letting fear keep you from being honest. You're afraid of what will happen between the two of you as well as whether or not he'll accept Lucas." 

"I'll tell him, okay? I just can't right now." Lucas stirred from his mini nap and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

Louis was in awe of how much he really looked like his best mates. If Zayn couldn't tell it was his son, he was an idiot but then again Zayn wasn't the brightest sometimes. "He's adorable though, Haz. How old is he?"

"He's three, he'll be four soon." Harry replied, a proud smile gracing his features. 

"I just don't know why you couldn't at least tell me." Louis said, sounding hurt.

"I'm really sorry, Lou. I just couldn't tell anyone at the time."

Before Louis could answer, the door swung open and a blur of blonde hair whooshed past Harry and lept onto Louis. "TOMMO!"

"Niall, jesus, get off me! I'm old! My body can't take this anymore!" Louis yelled before remembering about Lucas. He looked over at Harry sheepishly, who had his hand over Lucas' ear. "Sorry." 

"Yer not old, Lou. You didn't break yet." Niall replied, smiling his toothy grin before turning around. "Um. There's a mini Zayn on Harry's lap." 

Louis choked out a laugh, looking at Harry, who flushed. "I told you." 

"Who's that?" Lucas whispered, looking up in wonder at Niall.

"Name's Niall. Wha's your name?" asked Niall, kneeling next to the couch, holding out his hand for Lucas to take.

Lucas looked up at Harry, who nodded, smiling. "Its okay. He's a good guy."

"I'm Lucas." he said, shyly. 

"Well hello Lucas. You're a cute little boy." 

"Niall you just made yourself sound like a pedo." Louis said, laughing at Niall's comment.

"I'm being friendly! Can someone fill me in on what i'm missing though?"

"Oh. Harry got pregnant by Zayn, which is why he left, and now they have a kid but Zayn doesn't know." the oldest said, nonchalantly.

"Louis!" Harry yelled, glaring.

"Daddy, yelling isn't nice." Lucas chimed in.

Harry sighed and ran his fingers through Lucas' hair. "Sorry, Luke."

"Daddy! You're messing up my hair!" the little boy exclaimed, pouting and reaching up to fix it.

"Yeah he's definitely Zayn's kid." Niall said, chuckling. Harry joined him, watching his son freak out just like Zayn. It was really uncanny how much that moment reminded him of Zayn. 

Which reminded him. "Where are Zayn and Liam?" he asked.

Niall pulled out his phone, checking his messages, typing in a reply to someone and pocketing it again. "Liam had to make a phone call but he's on his way in. Zayn said he'd be late." 

Louis nodded. "Of course Zayn would be late. He's always late."

Lucas climbed out of Harry's lap and walked over to Louis, standing in front of him, observing him. "You're pretty." he said simply.

"Oh jesus." Harry muttered.

Louis smiled, ruffling the boy's hair which in turn made him squawk. He'd never get over seeing that. It was as if Zayn had been shrunk into a child. "Relax, Harold. Your child obviously inherited your taste in boys."

Harry rolled his eyes. Louis was never going to let him forget they dated. Even when Harry was married, at his wedding, he'd probably mention it in his speech. 

"Thank you, though Lucas. You're pretty too. You got your other daddy's cheekbones, that's for sure." Louis replied, rubbing Lucas' cheek.

"You know my daddy?" Lucas asked and Harry facepalmed. Didn't Louis know not to mention Zayn? This would be hard to clean up.

"Lou." he gritted out.

To his luck, Lucas walked away before Louis could answer and went over to Niall, climbing in his lap, to which Niall replied with a laugh.

That moment, Liam walked in, walking over next to Louis and whispering something in his ear, which made Louis flush.

"Hey guys." Liam said to the entire room, sitting on the arm of the chair Louis was seated in.

"What the fuck was that?" Niall asked, looking between Liam and Louis. Louis was turning red as an apple at this point.

"That's naughty!" Lucas yelled.

Niall held up his hands in surrender when Lucas glared at him. "I'm sorry, buddy."

"Who is this?" Liam asked, confusedly staring at Lucas.

"Harry's kid. Now don't change the subject!" the irishman stated.

"Why can't I ever explain who my child is anymore?!" Harry yelled, annoyed with Niall and Louis. They really needed to stop just throwing it out there. He'd rather explain it than just say it like its nothing.

"Wait, Harry, you have a child now? Is that where you went?" Liam inquired. 

"Liammmm." Niall whined when his question was ignored.

"Yeah. Bet you can't tell who the father is." Harry smiled, bitterly. He was surprised Niall hadn't blown that secret as well.

"To tell you the truth, he looks like..But he can't be.. I mean.." Liam rambled, blushing.

"Trust me, you're right." Louis whispered, resting his hand on Liam's knee.

"He can't be Zayn's! Isn't Zayn straight?!" 

"Well judging by the fact he has a child with Harry who has a dick too, i'd say not." Niall interjected, laughing.

"Who's Zayn, daddy?" Lucas asked, looking at his father.

The room went deadly silent, everyone was staring at Harry, waiting for his answer. He wouldn't even need to answer this if everyone would just shut the fuck up in the first place while they're around his son.

"He's just another friend, sweetie." Harry replied, quietly. The guilt was creeping up in his gut again.

Louis scowled at him and Liam shook his head. 

"You should just tell 'im dude. I would be pissed if someone kept who me father was from me." Niall whispered, shooting him a sympathetic look.

He knew they all meant well but Louis had hit the nail on the head. Part of it was that he didn't want Lucas to get hurt if Zayn wasn't as accepting of the situation but another part of it was he didn't want to lose Zayn. He hadn't particularly lied when he said he liked Zayn, it just wasn't as honest as he should have been. He loved Zayn. He'd had feelings for him the whole time he was gone and they only progressed. He didn't want to risk his own heart as well as Lucas'.

"When I tell Zayn, i'll tell Lucas but its not going to be right away. I know its not fair but I just can't." Harry replied, thankful at least Niall understood. He nodded after that and turned his attention back to Lucas.

Harry sighed. The anticipation of seeing Zayn again was getting to him. A million questions were running through his head. Would he recognize that Lucas looked like him? How would he be after all these years apart? Would their friendship be the same? Had he found someone new?

That last question bothered Harry the most. He knew that Zayn could have anyone he wanted and its been months since they last talked. As far as he knew Zayn was still single but things could change for him in a moment. 

Finally they heard a knock on the door and it swung open, revealing Zayn in all his glory. The tattooed sleeve Harry was crazy about, maybe a little more than he should be, crazy hair, brown eyes, and a hint of a beard forming on his face. He was smiling and he yelled "My boys!" before rushing to hug Louis, picking him up off the floor.

By now, Harry had stood up. He let Zayn hug Liam who had traveled forward to shake Zayn's hand only to be pulled into a hug and he pulled Niall in as well. When he saw Harry, he stopped, eyes blinking to make sure he wasn't dreaming before he moved forward more to wrap his arms gingerly around the younger boy.

Harry buried his face in Zayn's neck. He smelled like cigarettes and cologne. It was an amazing combination and so Zayn. He'd missed that. 

"I missed you." Zayn mumbled into his ear. 

"I missed you too, Zayn." He said into his chest, gripping the tank top that hung over Zayn's shoulders.

"Daddy?" Lucas said, breaking him out of his comfort zone, his stomach crashing to the floor.

Zayn pulled back quickly, staring at the little boy stood next to Louis.

"Harry, who is that?" asked Zayn, his voice strained.

"My son.." he replied. Honestly if he didn't say it right away, he never would.

"Oh." was all Zayn said in reply, then he moved closer to Lucas, kneeling on the floor before him.

Lucas stood like Harry always did, hands behind his back and straight up but his face was turned to the floor because he was shy.

"Hi there.." Zayn trailed off.

"Lucas." Niall supplied.

"Hi Lucas. I'm Zayn." the older boy let out a soft smile.

"Hi." Lucas said quietly. 

Zayn's smile widened. "You have your dad's dimples."

"Gramma says an angel poked me in the face and they just stayed there."

Louis snorted and Liam smacked him over the head. "Be nice." he mumbled.

Zayn chuckled. "Well that's definitely creative. Its probably true. Same thing happened with your dad. I hope we'll be friends though."

Lucas nodded and ran over to Harry, hiding behind him.

"He's shy." Harry said for him.

Zayn nodded. "He's cute though. Nicely done."

Niall snorted this time and Harry glared at him. 

"So weren't we here to discuss something?" Zayn said, standing up straight and taking a seat on the couch.

Louis nodded. "Me and Liam were talking with Paul and with Simon and everyone in management consecutively and we all think it was be best if we redid the tour we put off."

"I can't do a tour with Lucas, Louis." Harry stated. How did they expect him to do a tour when he had a three year old son? He couldn't just foist him off on people.

"Lucas can come with us, Haz. Come on. Don't tell me you haven't missed being on tour and being on stage." Niall said.

He had a point. He'd been itching to sing so much that he'd taken up making little concerts in his shower, singing whenever he could. He had the fever and he really just wanted to resume life as it was before but his son was a factor he couldn't forget now. 

"Yeah? Who is going to watch him while we're on stage? While we're doing interviews?" Harry asked. 

"Lou will have Lux with. She can watch Lucas while we're on stage and i'm sure Caroline wouldn't mind helping either. Besides the time that we're not busy, we all can help you with him." Liam supplied. 

Harry sighed. Lugging a three year old with on tour didn't really seem ideal but what other choice did he have? He had to do something.

"Well we've been out of the spotlight for years, who even says anyone will want to see us in concert anymore?" Zayn looked down, picking at part of the couch.

"Simon has that covered. He's doing promo, putting a bunch of posters out, he had this rebooked for months. Most of the venues are sold out now. Only a few aren't but we've got time to sell those out." Liam finished and smiled at the whole thing. They really had this planned. It was perfect for their comeback.

"Sounds good. Back to business, what the hell was going on with you two when you came in?" asked Niall, directing his gaze and Liam and Louis.

Louis coughed and Liam tinted pink. "It was nothing. I just had to tell him something." Liam mumbled.

"Something we all couldn't know?" Niall continued. 

"He was just saying hi!" Louis yelled, glaring at Niall.

"Whispering hi." Harry said, amused. 

He liked that the attention wasn't on him anymore. Louis and Liam were acting weird ever since Liam walked in and he knew Niall wouldn't drop it until the truth was out. Honestly, he was interested in it too. He was interested in anything that wasn't focused on him telling Lucas about Zayn or Zayn about Lucas.

Louis turned his glare to Harry, huffing. "Shut up, Harold!" 

"You're blushing." Harry laughed hard, Lucas looking up at him in confusion but smiling because his daddy was happy.

"Okay I called him babe." 

Zayn choked on the water he was drinking at Liam's admission and Niall gaped at them.

"What the fuck?" 

"DADDY!" Lucas yelled. "Bad word!" 

"I'm sorry, baby. Why would you call him babe?" 

Louis stared at Harry expectantly. "Why do you think, Harry?" 

"Are you guys a thing?!" Niall exclaimed.

This was too weird. Louis and Liam a couple or whatever they were? Unreal. It seemed the only totally straight person in the band was Niall. It amused Harry but still upset him that he never knew.

Louis flushed and Liam looked at the floor. "We had a few dates over the hiatus." 

"And you were mad at me for not telling you about Lucas?"

"Well since you were holding something back, I didn't think you deserved to know." Louis said and ouch that might have stung a little.

"Okay." Harry replied, simply.

"Haz I don't mean it to hurt you. I just, this was a huge thing for you and you kept it from us, so a change in my relationship status, especially with the least expected person, it didn't seem important. I didn't want to jeopardize it anyway."

"Were you even going to tell us?" Zayn asked after finally clearing his throat.

"Of course we were! We wanted to know where we stood beforehand, though." Liam offered.

"Where do you stand? Are you spooning or forking? Or forking then spooning." Niall asked.

Liam looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I think he means are you guys together or just fucking?" Zayn offered.

"No." Lucas said, looking at Zayn with a pout and a mini glare that reminded Zayn of Harry. He knew Lucas was talking about his swearing.

Zayn smiled and apologized to the little boy then turned his attention back to Liam and Louis.

"I think we're on our way to being official but we're just giving it time." Louis said and Liam nodded his agreement.

Niall nodded. "Now see? Was that so hard?" 

Liam scowled at Niall and Louis kicked him in the shin earning a "Rude!" from him.

"So when does this tour take off?" asked Harry.

"That's the thing, it would have to start in a couple days so we need to decide now." Liam said, resting his hands on Louis' shoulders.

"Let's do it." Zayn said.

Niall nodded, screaming "Woohoo!" 

Thy looked over at Harry, expectant for his answer.

Harry was willing to go on this tour, he could even get used to the idea of bringing Lucas along, but he was apprehensive about what would happen during the time spent togther in close quarters. Eventually he'd have to tell Zayn about Lucas if he didn't find out himself first.

Even though there were many fears piling up against him, he couldn't deny he'd wanted to get back on the road for a while. He wanted to sing again. 

Despite his best judgement he looked at them and said,

"Lets do it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update soon. :)
> 
> I've already got the next chapter started but its currently 4 in the morning and my brain needs sleep.


	3. Family, Soundcheck, & Salvaging Reputations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So basically, I have no idea how long this story is going to be so we'll take it one chapter at a time and when I see a good time for a close, i'll end it.
> 
> I never really know when or how to end my stories but that's okay because its endless entertainment for you! :)
> 
> I don't know how Modest works, whether they'd have interns, or even if they'd care about the fact that Harry has a kid (though pretty sure they would in this sitch)so lets just pretend i'm right ok, Tristan's just some obscure dude reporting for his boss.
> 
> Anyway,  
> enjoy guys! xo

They'd spent the next day on a group skype call ironing out the details of the tour. Gemma was going with them to watch Lucas while they were on stage, until they went to the states. They were going to be taking a bus around unless it was necessary to take a plane or unless they'd planned a hotel night which there were some while they were in the states. They thought it might be easier on Harry while Lucas was with him. Their first gig was in London anyway, so they wouldn't be leaving for a few days yet.

When the other boys had disconnected, Louis sighed. "You're really going to do this without letting Zayn know first?"

"Louis, can we please not do this right now?" Harry said, packing clothes into his suitcase for him and Lucas. He was already apprehensive about this because of that fact but he knew he could never be honest with Zayn before the tour. Part of him felt like maybe Zayn should find out on his own, that it might go smoother than him mentioning it but at the back of his mind, his conscience was screaming that he knew that wasn't true. That Zayn would probably be upset Harry had lied. Even though he hadn't even lied, he'd just never told the truth. It had never come up.

"You don't think you owe the father of your child an explanation? He could spend this time getting to know his son." Louis was really surprised at Harry, if he was honest. If someone had held this type of information from Harry, he'd go ballistic when he discovered the truth. Even if he had feelings for Zayn, he couldn't believe he couldn't at least be honest. It was the best for him and Lucas. The guilt would eat Harry alive and Lucas wouldn't have to wonder about his other father anymore. Louis knew what it was like to be without his father and it wasn't a good feeling. Even if Mark was an okay guy and now they shared a last name, he always thought it was stupid that his own father couldn't even stay in the picture.

"Look, I know it sounds easy when you say it like that but you have no idea how hard this is or how scary."

"Harry, it hurts not to have both parents in your life. I know that. I don't think you should do this to your own damn son." Louis snapped. Maybe this was too close a subject to his own personal life for them to be talking about.

Harry sucked in a hard breath. He was being an idiot. Of course Louis knew about this. They'd had several discussions when they were dating about his father and him leaving. Whether or not Louis actually considered him his father still, even having taken Mark's last name. It was always a subject that ended in a few tears on Louis' side and even his. He sighed. Now he felt even more horrible.

On the camera, Harry saw Louis' head fall forward and he ran a hand through his hair, sighing as well. "Haz i'm sorry. Bad subject, yeah? Its just you don't know what Zayn would do. You don't know that he'd be like my dad and walk away. He could be completely fucking happy and he could love you back. It sounds like a long shot but it could happen."

What Louis was suggesting sounded more like a dream. A dream he had many times. There was no reason to think Zayn had any feelings for him at all or that he'd be happy that he was suddenly a father. He didn't think anyone would react positively to that. If it did turn out negatively, which there was a pretty good chance of it, their relationship, platonic or otherwise would be ruined and thus the basis for his crippling fear.

"I promise i'll tell him soon, I just don't think at the beginning of a comeback tour is the best time." Harry relented. Sure he'd tell Zayn soon. When he thought he could even get the words out of his mouth without feeling like he'd swallowed drano.

"I'm going to hold you to that. I'll keep reminding you."

"Looking forward to it, Lou." Harry replied, smiling gently at the camera.

"I should get going. Mum needs some help and I have to get things ready to go. God knows I won't have time to pack after the gig in London."

"You always were a procrastinator. Now you don't have me to kick you into gear but i'm sure Liam would be more than willing. We still have to talk about how that came to be, by the way. Don't think i'm going to just let you off without an explanation too." Harry said, sternly. He still couldn't believe Liam and Louis were together.

"Yes sir. See you there tomorrow night, Haz." Louis replied and then disconnected the chat, leaving Harry with his thoughts.

It had been so easy when he was younger. Everyone knew, they just knew, that he and Louis were a thing. It was so painstakingly obvious. There was nothing hidden. Well where the boys and their families and friends were concerned. Sometimes he wishes he were back in that time when everything was plain as day. He wouldn't have to hurt anyone, piss them off, and he'd certainly have nothing to come clean about. Its not that he missed Louis, he just missed the simplicity. Of course with management, it wasn't simple but it also wasn't this complicated. Management would love this one.

When he looked up from the shirt he'd been admiring in thought for the last half an hour (which was Zayn's coincidentally), there was a little boy, clutching a teddy bear and rubbing his eyes sleepily in the doorway. He was in dinosaur jammies and his dark hair was messy, likely from tossing and turning.

"Luke, are you alright?" Harry asked gently, coming from around the side of the bed he'd been on to walk towards the little boy.

Lucas shook his head slowly. His eyes, upon closer inspection, were red like he'd been crying, dried tear tracks staining his cheeks. "Monsters." he said meekly.

"Sweetheart, did you have a bad dream?" Harry knelt in front of the little boy and Lucas nodded. "What was it about?"

"A monster ate you and gramma." Lucas replied, a little whimper escaping his mouth.

Harry picked him up, carrying him over to the bed and setting the little boy on his lap. Lucas immediately buried his face in his neck.

"Its okay. I'm here and grandma is fine. Wanna call her?" Harry asked. He knew it was late but if it was for Lucas he knew his mum wouldn't even spare it a thought.

Lucas shook his head again, not lifting it out of its resting place. Harry knew the boy was probably already falling asleep in his arms. He lifted Lucas and he had indeed fallen asleep. He laid the little boy on his bed and covered him with his blanket, setting his teddy bear next to him.

It was moments like this he really wished Zayn knew. He wanted them to put Lucas to bed together, watch them play outside together. He wanted to watch Zayn teach Lucas how to draw and all the things that Harry couldn't teach him. He wanted to watch Zayn fight the monsters Lucas claimed were under his bed and comfort him when he was hurt or had a nightmare. He wanted them to have family outings and to be able to fall asleep together, snuggled on a couch or in a pillow fort Lucas would beg them to make.

Of course all of this was far away from his grasp as long as the cowardly part of him remained and even when it fell, there were no guarantees. It felt like a never ending repeating cycle of reminders in his head that he just wanted to bash out of his skull. He was scared, there was no promise of Zayn accepting Lucas, there was no promise that he'd even have feelings for Harry. It was a constant terror of losing the thing he so desperately wanted most. His family to be complete. He had no control over how Zayn felt and how he would react and that part of it all frustrated him severely. He would sacrifice all of his heart and feelings if it meant Zayn would just love Lucas but at the same time he couldn't risk the pain of knowing Zayn didn't want him too.

Sometimes he just wanted to be numb. To feel no love at all. To feel nothing. He just couldn't though. He knew he wouldn't be the same kind of parent he was now if he was and he would never be less than his best where Lucas was concerned.

As Harry finished packing their bags, he looked down at Lucas, rolling around on the bed. He was a restless sleeper. He vaguely wondered if he picked that up from Zayn as well. He seemed to be more Zayn than him. The tour was going to be interesting. He didn't know if he was quite ready to be back to spending days upon days with Zayn but he would just have to deal with it as best he could. For himself and for Lucas.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Harry spent the afternoon mentally preparing himself for the first concert of their tour. He hadn't been on a stage in over three years. He'd gone from Harry Styles of One Direction to Harry Styles full time dad. He wasn't sure he had what it took anymore to do this. He was basically having a mental breakdown.

Gemma walked into the living room, carrying a freshly bathed Lucas. She put him down so he could play for a while and then moved towards Harry.

"Harry are you going to be okay? Maybe you should postpone. You look pale." She rested the back of her hand against his forehead.

"No, Gem. We've been planning this for days. I'm just not sure i'm the type of person who can do this anymore. I went from being a popstar to being a father, chasing a little boy around and making sure he doesn't get hurt. I'm not the same person. What if I can't do this?" Harry spoke fast, his breathing quickening.

"Harry you're going to give yourself an anxiety attack or something. Just calm down. I have no doubt that you can still be rockin' Harry Styles." she replied, smiling at him. "You've just gotten more mature. I think, once you get back on stage, you'll be okay. You're just getting your nerves back."

Harry took a deep breath and looked over at Lucas who was playing happily with a bunch of blocks his mum had gotten him for his birthday last year. Birthdays. Another thing he was blocking Zayn _and_ his family from. _Fuck._ He felt absolutely horrible.

His own mum and even Gemma had no idea who the father was. He said he had no idea when his mum had asked. He was afraid she'd go to Zayn straight away but maybe now it was time to be honest with his own family if he couldn't with the father.

"Gems, I have to tell you something. Please promise me you won't get upset." Harry said, he was starting to sweat already. Embarrassing.

She looked over at him, confused. "What? What's going on, Harry?"

"Its about Lucas' father." Harry started to pick at a loose thread on his pants. Apparently, he'd developed some nervous habits because of all this.

Gemma smiled, which confused Harry. He raised an eyebrow at her and she said, "You really think i'm thick don't you?"

When his eyes widened, she chuckled.

"How did you-"

"As he grew up, we sort of figured it out. He has quite a few of his other daddy's qualities, doesn't he?" she interrupted. Gemma looked over at Lucas fondly. The little boy was coloring in a coloring book now, having lost interest in his blocks.

Harry smiled but then froze. "We? You mean mum knows?"

The purple haired girl nodded slowly. "She wasn't too upset when she found out you lied but she was rather disappointed when she figured out you hadn't told him. What are you thinking about in that head of yours? I don't understand you sometimes."

Harry sighed heavily, staring at Lucas. "I love him, Gem. Its not as easy to just be honest. I've gone through this with everyone. The boys and now you. I just can't right now. I will but not right now."

Now Gemma's eyes widened. "The boys? They met him already? Even Zayn?"

Harry nodded. "He's none too bright, that one. All the other boys figured it out by looking at him."

"Maybe he's in denial." Gemma started, "Sometimes your brain places you in a state of denial and its harder to see things logically or something like that."

"Listen to you sounding like a proper psychologist but maybe he's just an idiot."

"Why would you call the father of your child an idiot, Harry? That's just rude. Besides, you didn't think he was an idiot when you were conceiving Lucas did you?" Gemma elbowed him in the side and winked, smirking.

"Lets not go there in front of my son, thank you." Harry commented, glaring at her then looking to Lucas who was still immersed in his coloring book.

"Well he seems to take quite an interest in art. Maybe you can teach him a thing or two. _OH wait_."

Harry stood up. "Funny, Gemma. Now if you don't mind I should probably get properly dressed for soundcheck. Are you going?"

"Of course. I'm escorting the Styles-Malik child to the venue." she replied, smiling innocently at him but Harry looked back, unamused.

"Ha ha ha. Now can you get him into some better clothes, as well? Its chilly." Harry said and zipped off to his room.

He really needed to talk to his mum and assess the damage of lying to her for years. She was likely to tell him the same thing but she'd be more forceful and probably even issue a threat. A whole 'Tell him or I will' thing. He'd probably see her at the concert. She'd sent him a text that said _See you tonight._ and not much else which meant she was either going to have a long talk with him or she was upset. It was probably both.

He got changed into proper attire and met Gemma and Lucas at the door, both of them wearing sweaters and jeans. He still couldn't believe Gemma knew this whole time but of course maybe he should have known it would be easy to tell. As soon as Harry grabbed his keys and pocketed his phone, they were out the door.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

When he got to the venue, he was immersed in greeting all the people he'd left three years ago. Sandy, Josh, Lou, Caroline. It was a rush of emotions. He'd never realized how much he missed them. Lux was even there and ran up to Harry immediately, hugging his legs.

"Oh my goodness. Look how much you've grown Luxy! I hardly recognized you." Harry said, scooping the little girl up and kissing her cheeks, making her giggle.

Behind him, Gemma cleared her throat. When Harry turned towards them, Lucas was pouting with his arms crossed. He definitely didn't like that his daddy was showing another little kid attention.

"Aw, Luke, don't be upset. You know I love you most." Harry said, setting Lux down and kneeling on the floor, motioning for Lucas to come to him but Lucas shook his head. His pout was replaced with a full on frown. It made Harry's heart wrench.

He moved forward and picked up Lucas, kissing his face all over, and poking him in the tummy and on the sides. He could hear a faint little giggle muffled by his neck and he smiled. He set Lucas down and motioned for Lux to come forward, which she did tentatively until she was standing in front of the little boy. "Lucas, this is Lux. She's Lou's daughter." He pointed to Lou and she smiled and the little boy ducked his head, shyly. "She's going to be with us some of this trip too. Maybe you two can play together."

Lucas shrugged shyly and turned towards Harry, hiding his face. He seemed to be much more shy with girls than boys. Something his fathers lacked for the most part. Interesting.

All of a sudden, Lucas let out a squeal and broke free of Harry's grasp, running behind him.

"Woowie!" Lucas screamed, running towards Louis who had just emerged from a room in the back. He smiled when he heard his name being called.

"Lucas!" he exclaimed back, his arms outstretched towards the little boy and scooping him up off the floor, hugging him. "Hey rascal. How are you doing today?"

He pointed at Harry and pouted again. _What a drama queen._

"Is daddy paying more attention to Lux than you? Should we string him up by his thumbs in the basement?" Louis asked, winking at Harry while Lucas giggled and nodded.

"Heyyyyyy! I was doing no such thing, thank you." It was his turn to pout. He crossed his arms and glared at Louis.

"Sorry curly. The child has spoken." Louis smirked. Fucking smirked for goodness sake. He was being ganged up on by his three year old son and best friend.

"Curly!" Lucas yelled, giggling.

Louis chuckled and put Lucas down on the floor, ruffling his hair. Which resulted in Lucas running his hand through it, looking put out. "He's certainly got your giggle and tendency to be easily amused.

"I am not easily amused!" He looked down and Lucas had wandered back to him and was reaching up to him, wanting Harry to hold him. "Oh sure now you love me after Louis put you down." He smiled down at his son. It frustrated him that just like Zayn he could never be mad at him. Not really.

"I beg to differ. You spent an hour just staring at a box of cereal because you liked the colors. Sorry, Haz but you definitely are." Louis stated, amusement in his face as he watched the exchange between Harry and Lucas. They really were adorable.

"Up!" Lucas squealed, jumping up, his short little arms still extended up towards Harry. Harry vaguely hoped he inherited his tallness when he grew up. There were advantages to being tall. It was nice.

Harry leaned down, picking up Lucas and balancing him on his hip. The little boy rested his head on Harry's shoulder, yawning. "I can see Gems should have let you nap longer, hm?" He said but his question was only met with a mumble which he couldn't understand.

"Cuddler too. Not something he caught from Zayn I don't think." Louis said, chuckling lightly.

"Lou." Harry warned. "So is everyone here? We should probably get going."

"Yes Harry, Zayn is here. I just talked to him." Gemma said, popping up out of nowhere behind Harry. "Now give me my nephew and go do your soundcheck."

Louis had bursted out laughing as Harry handed Gemma the little boy, scowling at her when she smiled. He turned around and pushed Louis, who was still choking out laughs, towards the entrance to the stage.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Soundcheck had gone extremely well. No one had messed up or forgotten words even though they probably had the words drilled into their brains after so long.

Harry was energized to the max. He was so pumped to get on stage again and do this for real. He had misjudged how much he really wanted to be on stage again. Now that he'd been on stage for soundcheck, he was a lot more confident that he was still the type of person to do this kind of thing, even with a son. He couldn't for the life of him think why a son would even make him unable to rock a stage with his boys again. It had been a stupid notion to begin with. Lots of pop and rock stars had kids. He couldn't believe he'd even thought Lucas would hold him back.

When he got back stage, Paul pulled him aside and into a room off to the left. When they got in the room, there was a man, or a guy seeing as how he looked younger, in a suit sitting on a couch.

"Harry. This is Tristan. He's an intern at Modest and since the head honcho couldn't be here, he sent Tristan in his place." Paul said and the guy smiled at him.

Harry observed him carefully. He couldn't be farther in age than his mid to late twenties. He had blonde hair that looked like it'd been dyed a bunch of times and it was different shades all over and he had the kind of smile that just said _I'm here to make your life hell_ , which is mostly what management did. He knew he'd have to deal with management sooner or later in regards to Lucas, he was just hoping it was later.

"Hello Harry. I trust you're doing well. Excited to be going back on stage?" Tristan asked. Harry felt amused that his voice was higher than he'd expected it to be but he snapped his attention back when he found both Paul and Tristan staring.

"Uh yeah. I'm really excited. For a while I thought I wouldn't be able to do this again. I got up on stage for soundcheck and everything clicked again." He said, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. To be honest, he just wanted to get the business part of this over with.

Tristan smiled bright at him. "Good! Now for that real reason i'm here."

 _Finally._ Harry thought.

"We've heard through the grapevine that you're intending to take your son with you on tour. Being that you've decided this, we're going to have to get our stories straight on just who this little boy is and how he came to be because when you left, no one knew you were pregnant. We don't want people making up stories and effecting your ticket sales on the tour."

Harry really hoped they didn't plan to pass Lucas off as someone else's son or that he was a product of a one night stand with some girl. He was sick and tired of lying and even more sick and tired of being made to look like a ladies man. He wasn't even into girls anymore. After he dated Louis, he was off girls for good. He knew he'd never find a girl who struck his interest again and by then he was already crushing on Zayn.

The thing no one knew of Louis and Harry's break up was that they'd parted on a mutual decision, stating they both had feelings for someone else. Louis was starting to have feelings for Liam and despite having his own feelings for Zayn, he'd spent a considerable amount of time comparing himself to Liam, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. After a while he realized he was being stupid. That sometimes feelings just faded.

It took a while to return them back to the comfortable friendship they'd had beforehand but eventually they did and they were both supportive of each other's feelings. Louis however was way farther than him now. He and Liam were dating. He guessed in the scheme of things, he might be a little bit further since he had a son with Zayn but its not like Zayn knew, so it didn't count.

"Harry?" Tristan said, breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Sorry." he replied, smiling sheepishly. "What did you say?"

"I said that maybe you should release a statement. Telling the truth about Lucas. Its the best way to go about things. You don't want to lie and have the fans find out. They'll feel quite betrayed by someone they view as an idol."

"Wait though. Wouldn't this put unneeded attention on him? It could be dangerous for Lucas while we're on tour. Besides, the parents might complain that he's basically promoting random teenage sex and pregnancy. Their fan base still has young people in it." Paul stated, looking at Harry with concern.

Harry loved Paul. He was like a protective father for all of them on the road. Harry hadn't even thought about what the reaction might be. He had been too all-consumed in his life and raising Lucas to think of how people would take it when he finally had to tell people he'd had a son while he was gone.

"He can incorporate into his speech that teens should wait and take this as an example of what can happen if you're not careful but that he doesn't regret his situation. Of course you don't regret your son, do you?" Tristan looked at him expectantly. As if the answer would be anything but no.

"Of course not." Harry snapped. He couldn't believe he was actually suggesting with his tone that there was a possibility he would. Sure he was young but he loved Lucas so much.

"I'm sorry. It was rude of me to ask that. The other issue in the matter with you telling people you were pregnant is that they're going to wonder who the father was."

Paul exhaled a breath sharply and Harry's heartbeat picked up. He figured Paul must know by his reaction to Tristan's statement. Of course he knew, everyone knew. Except the father. If he told Tristan who the father was, it was likely Zayn would know before Harry had a chance to explain. He looked to Paul for help but he just eyed Harry with sympathy and shrugged.

Harry sighed. "The father doesn't know."

Tristan sputtered and looked at him with wide eyes. "You haven't told him?!"

"Its really complicated." Harry felt like his heart was going to burst right out of his chest. It felt like there was a vice grip on his esophagus.

Luckily, Paul stepped in. "Its one of the boys. That's why its so complicated for him. He has feelings for this one and they had a night together but that's all it was in theory. Harry is finding some difficulty in telling him." Apparently Paul knew a lot more than Harry had thought.

"One of the boys? Hm. Won't be hard to figure this one out, will it?" Tristan said.

"Its not Louis." Everyone thinking he was with Louis was getting old. He wished he could just scream that they had broken up but most people didn't even know they were together. Thanks to Modest.

"Indeed. So, mind telling me? We'll keep it between us for now but I hope you know the fans speculations will soar."

Harry looked to Paul, then back, and sighed. "Its Zayn."

The way Tristan's eyes widened made Harry want to cackle. "I thought he was-"

"We all did. He and Perrie had broken up and it just kind of happened." Harry interrupted, flushing at the memory. _Fuck_ he would do anything to get Zayn on top of him again. _Okay, definitely not the time for this._ The direction his thoughts had gone had made him flush more.

"Wow, okay. So he has no idea he's the father?" At Harry's nod in the affirmative, Tristan continued, "Well it would be wise of you to tell him soon. Along with the speculation, some people might believe you have no idea who the father is and that's even worse for your reputation. Once Zayn knows, we'll see about putting out a statement that confirms he is in fact the father."

Harry was actually surprised that for once they weren't trying to hide the fact but one point circulated in his mind. "What if he doesn't want to be a father?" he asked quietly.

Tristan and Paul both looked at him sympathetically. "We'll just put out a statement that you know who the father is but are not releasing that information because he doesn't want to be revealed. Its better than making him look like an asshole if someone in fact does find out."

Harry nodded. His head was spinning. This all was too overwhelming to deal with in one sitting. "When am I releasing this statement?"

"We'll find a reliable interviewer and put them in here before the concert since you may want to do this in another room separate from the boys. Especially away from Zayn. A short interview might be a better tactic." Tristan said, looking at his phone.

"Zayn is kind of thick. He hasn't been able to tell Lucas is his when all the boys and my mum and sister could just by glancing at him. I don't think it'd be a risk to do the interview in the same room." Harry replied.

"He looks that much like Zayn, then?" Tristan said pocketing his phone and standing up, smiling.

Harry looked down, smiling fondly. "Yeah he does." Harry stood up as well.

Tristan held out his hand and Harry shook it. "Well thank you for meeting with me. Despite what's happened in the past, we're all about full disclosure with this situation. We'll try to make things go smoothly as possible."

That made Harry feel relieved. There was no more hiding. He inwardly smiled. He was free.

He nodded and said, "Thank you."

"Of course. Paul, nice to see you. Have a good concert Harry." he said, then he was out the door.

Harry plopped back down on the couch, releasing a heavy sigh.

Paul moved to sit next to him. "You okay, kid?"

Harry shrugged. He had no idea. How was he supposed to explain this and make himself sound good? Lucas _was_ the product of a one night stand, technically. He was a pregnant 19 year old because he didn't want to even bother using a condom. He felt like a horrible idol for all the young people now. If it was Lucas listening to some band and someone in the band was in this situation, he might stop Lucas from listening too.

"The parents are going to throw a fit. It doesn't matter how I spin this. I got pregnant because I didn't care enough to be safe."

"Did you know you were able to get pregnant?" Paul asked, wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulder.

Harry shook his head. "They told me when I went in to get a test done to confirm it. They explained how I managed to be able to carry children and that was that. Suggested I be a lot more careful from then on." Paul snorted.

"Yeah that might be helpful. Don't want another one do you?"

If he was honest, he really did want another. It had been years since he'd be pregnant and he was kind of craving it again. It was a crazy thing to want, especially when the first child's father wasn't even involved yet, but he liked being pregnant. Having a little person inside him, living and growing, dependant on him. Of course, he didn't really like getting fat and not being able to fit in his skinny jeans but he could overlook that. He'd always wanted at least three kids when he started having them. Knowing that he was able to have his own children had made him oddly proud. He felt like he was in his element when he was pregnant and even caring for an infant. Most people would be stressed but he was perfectly happy. His mum had always said he was an odd one when it came to babies.

"I don't know. I kind of do." Harry said quietly. "Strangely, I loved being pregnant."

Paul smiled. "You always had a soft spot for babies. Maybe not while on tour though, yeah? Also, you might want to tell Zayn first."

Harry nodded. "Of course." It always had to be brought up. Everyone was right though, he really needed to tell him. Harry was sure if Zayn found out from someone else, he'd be pissed.

He got up off the couch and walked out of the room and Louis stepped in front of him. "You're going to melt if you go any further." he whispered.

Harry stepped around him and the sight he was met with made his heart simultaneously explode and melt.

Zayn was laying on the couch in the middle of the room, a book on his lap, turned over so the cover was facing up. Lucas was laying on top of him on his side, curled up, his face buried in Zayn's neck. Zayn had his arm wrapped around the little boy's back. Both boys were sleeping and the part that clenched his heart the most was the fact that Lucas' little hand was clutching Zayn's shirt like he didn't want him to leave or disappear. It made him want to cry and take a picture.

He was so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry its taken me so long to update. 
> 
> I'm working on another chapter for this as we speak. 
> 
> I'm looking to schedule a day each week that I update at least three of my fanfictions so I don't fall too behind or take too long.
> 
> If you have any prompts for one shots (any ship) that you want to see or chaptered fictions you'd be interested in, you can head to my tumblr and leave it in my askbox & i'll see if I can do it. :) 
> 
> Or you could just follow me. ;)
> 
> Tumblr: http://stylinsexual2202.tumblr.com/


	4. Interviews and First Gigs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really sure how sugarscape works but lets just pretend it works like I did it. :)

After Zayn and Lucas had woken up, Harry had managed to stop staring at them and make his heart beat return to normal. It was crazy. It felt like Lucas was gravitating to Zayn more than the rest of the boys. Maybe that was him just being paranoid. The little boy really liked Louis too but Lucas was notorious for not being able to sleep while away from home unless he was near Harry, Gemma, or his mum and there he was, sound asleep with Zayn.

Maybe the world was playing a hilariously evil cosmic joke on him. Or maybe Zayn knew now and he wasn't saying anything. Maybe he was waiting for Harry to say something. He knew that was far fetched but it was a very rare possibility. He didn't want to chance mentioning it in the very distinct possibility that he still didn't know. He wouldn't do that before their first concert. Besides, he had a lot to think about.

He had an interview with someone from Sugarscape it turns out. They'd always been supportive of he and Louis, making Larry cracks in their articles. It would probably be easiest to talk to them. Usually, their articles were more lighthearted but the editor had said they needed more serious articles such as this so Tristan had set it up for before the concert. Harry would be lying if he said he was looking forward to explaining everything. He was still scared of how people would perceive him after this. Would they be mad at him for leaving the boys just because he was pregnant? Would he still be a good idol? Or would there be loads of hate on twitter and disappointed parents taking away their children's tickets to their shows? It was uncertain right now but Louis and Liam had already made him promise he wouldn't go online until tomorrow to check the reaction.

When it was almost time for the interview, Harry was a nervous wreck. He was shaking and his palms were sweaty. Louis had tried his best to reassure him but it didn't really work. Niall and Liam tried to relax him too but his stomach was far too twisted up in knots for anyone to be able to help him. It was then that he vaguely realized he hadn't really talked to or had any time alone with Zayn since their first meeting again in that dressing room. It sort of made him sad. It was like there was a shift in things and Zayn had been trying to distance himself from Harry.

Finally, the girl who was conducting the interview said she was ready for him. He kissed Lucas, who was seated in Niall's lap, on the forehead and turned towards the door she had just popped her head out of and started walking towards it but not before he chanced one look back at the boys. Liam and Louis were wrapped around each other, sending him reassuring smiles, as well as Niall. Zayn was standing directly behind Niall. He mouthed _'Good luck'_ and smiled at him, softly. Harry found all his confidence and motivation in that one smile and he turned to walk through the door.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

There were cameras and lights all over the room. It looked almost unrecognizable to what it looked like when it was just Paul and Tristan and him in the room. Harry sat on the couch, unsure of where he really should be sitting.

"Hi Harry, my name is Cassidy. I'll be interviewing you." A girl with blonde hair tied into a pony tail appeared in front of him, hand outstretched. She looked friendly enough but everyone looks friendly when they're smiling.

He shook her hand and wiped his hand on his jeans when he realized his palm was still sweaty. "Sorry." he mumbled. "Where did you want me?"

"The couch is fine! Don't be nervous. You're gonna do great. Just tell people the truth and everything will go just fine." she stated, sitting next to him and turning to face him. "Are you ready?"

"About as ready as I will ever be." He replied, his voice shaking.

She looked over to the cameraman and he gave her the cue to start talking. "Hi i'm Cassidy Jones and i'm backstage at the debut concert of the One Direction comeback tour with Harry Styles. Harry, how are you doing? Are you excited to be back?"

"I'm great. Yeah, its really exciting to know i'll be going on stage in a couple hours and performing. I've really missed it and the boys." At least she was starting easy.

"So, there have been many rumors to why you needed to leave the tour almost four years ago. Anywhere ranging from rehab to just being burnt out. Some have even claimed creative differences forced you to leave." Harry was shocked. He'd never heard these before but then again he hadn't paid attention to the speculation of why he left. "Would you like to set the story straight now?"

Well here it went. Now or never. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Well, the real reason I had to leave during the tour is because I had gotten pregnant."

"Correct me if i'm wrong but I wasn't aware men we're able to get pregnant." she replied, her eyes wide. Apparently she hadn't been informed before hand why he'd left.

Harry chuckled nervously. "I hadn't been aware of it either. I only found out when I went to the doctor to get tested when I had been feeling ill. They brought in a pregnancy expert and she confirmed that many other males had gotten pregnant before me and she informed me of how it was possible."

"Well that's interesting." She said, smiling. "Well, I know one major concern for the management you're under and many others on the tour, is that parents will think you're setting a bad example by condoning teen pregnancy and having unsafe sex. What do you have to say in your defense?"

"That definitely seems like what i'm doing but i'm truly not. Honestly, I would rather have waited until I was in a committed relationship to have a child and even then, until I was a little older, but I would never ever regret my son, Lucas. It was very stupid of me to have unsafe sex in the first place and I would never want to glamorize something like teen pregnancy. Just because i'm a pop star and it worked out for me doesn't mean its going to for you. That's a harsh reality. Its not glamourous. Its hard and stressful and you'll need lots of support. Just think before you have sex and be safe. Its the best option."

She smiled wider. "That was very well said, Harry. I think the question on everyone's mind right now is who is the father? Would you be willing to share?" she asked.

Harry gulped. That question had completely blindsided him. He had no idea that would be asked. He thought they were going to wait until he was honest with Zayn. "Uh. At this time, i'd rather keep it private. Sorry." he said.

"Aw that's alright. Thank you for your time and have a good concert!"

"No problem. Thanks." he replied, feeling sick.

The camera shut off and she turned to him, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry I threw that in there. I thought maybe you would want to clear it up but I obviously shouldn't have asked."

She had asked out of the goodness of her heart and it was clear she felt bad so Harry couldn't hold it against her. "Its okay. It threw me off but I recovered I think."

She nodded. "Yeah you did great! I'm going to write up an article and put this up with it just as soon as I get home." She smiled and hugged him. "Good job."

"Thank you." He walked out of the room while they were taking down the cameras and Lucas rushed up to him immediately. It had been such a long day, he'd barely seen the little boy since they got here.

"Daddy!" He hugged Harry tightly when he knelt down. "Miss you." Lucas said, putting his hand on Harry's cheek. It pulled at his heartstrings.

"I miss you too, Luke. Have you been having fun?"

Lucas lifted his hands and smiled. There were different colors all over his hands. It looked like paint. When Harry looked up at Zayn, he smiled sheepishly.

"He wanted to paint. All I had was spray paint."

Harry sighed. "Well then you're in charge of washing him off since you couldn't resist letting him paint all over a wall."

Zayn saluted and grabbed Lucas' hand, leading him to the bathroom to wash his hands. Louis watched the exchange, amused. When Harry looked over at him, he looked away, going off in search of Liam. That reminded Harry of something.

He grabbed Louis by the back of the shirt and pulled him back. "Don't think i've forgotten about our little talk about you and Liam."

Louis groaned and sat down on a chair. "What do you want to know?"

"How? Last time I heard from Liam, he and Sophia had gone on holiday."

"Then he didn't tell you about catching her with one of the waiters from the restaurant of the hotel they were at. Right in the bed they were sharing. He was pissed. Oddly, he called me first. It was surprising. I expected him to call Zayn. He'd know better than me about this and what to do to help him get over it but no he wanted to talk to me."

Harry smiled. Louis sounded like a dreamy schoolgirl talking about how much Liam wanted to talk to him instead of someone else. It was cute. He was a little jealous too. His love life seemed a hell of a lot smoother than his own. "Okay. That still doesn't get us to how you guys started going out."

"Well I suggested he come over and we could get drunk because alcohol always helps. I didn't have any ulterior motives." he replied, seeing Harry's smirk. "I just wanted him to feel better. I would have done anything really but once we were getting drunk, Liam was a little more touchy than I was used to. You'd think i'd like it but I was actually uncomfortable because I never thought Liam would _ever_ be into dudes. He called me pretty, Harry."

At Louis' straight face, Harry let out a cackle. He could only imagine Liam calling Louis pretty, slurring every word. It sounded like a cheesy seduction tactic but then again so did getting drunk in the first place.

"Anyway." Louis continued, "We were just talking and he asked me about being gay and stuff. How I knew, when I knew. If it was hard being closeted. Then he kissed me. I kind of felt cheap making out with him when he was drunk, I figured he'd regret everything the next day when he was sober so I pushed him off me and told him he could sleep over. The next day, it turns out he actually remembered everything and he said he did it because he wanted to. That he'd wanted to for a while."

Harry snorted at Louis blushing and poked his cheek. "Aww you're blushing!"

"I will bite your fucking finger off. Let me finish!" Louis warned. "So he asked me out later that day. We just went to dinner and all that romantic first date stuff. Talked about things. He confessed that he'd been confused for a while and he actually had wanted to get closer to me, he just didn't know how to go about it."

Harry looked down at his hands, fumbling with his shirt. He was so happy for Louis but he was also jealous. He wanted all this with Zayn. He wanted life to be easy. He wanted them to build something together.

"Hazza?" Louis asked, looking at him with concern. "You alright?"

"Yeah definitely! I'm really happy for you guys."

Louis looked at him with that look that said _Don't lie to me._ and Harry cracked.

"I really am happy for you, Lou. I guess i'm just jealous." Harry replied, sighing and slumping in the chair he'd sat in.

Louis winked. "I know i'm irresistable but you have to let go."

Harry punched him on the arm, glaring. "Not because of that, you twat! Just I want to be with Zayn like that. I don't want it to be like it is. Of course I wouldn't take back Lucas, I just wish it had happened differently, you know?"

"Oh Haz, I didn't mean to upset you." Louis replied, frowning. "You asked, ya know. I was just trying to tell you the whole story."

"Lou its okay. Really. I know I asked. I really wanted to know. I'm so happy for you and Liam, you have no idea. I mean, you got what you wanted, yeah?"

Louis smiled and nodded. He still felt guilty that Harry was struggling to get what he wanted though. Harry deserved everything he wanted and more. He was such a caring and strong person. He deserved the world.

Before he could say anything, Liam and Niall had returned. Niall from getting ready with Caroline and Lou and Liam from talking on the phone. Liam crossed over to kiss Louis on the cheek gently. "Hi." he said gently. "Everything alright?"

"Liam love, I know you want to get snuggly with your boyfriend but I need you over here to get ready. You too, Louis. We're running behind." Caroline said, looking impatient.

Louis looked back at Harry, feeling guilty for leaving.

"It'll be okay. Go get ready. We'll chat later." Harry said, smiling at Caroline when she looked at him and mouthed _You're next._

After Louis and Liam disappeared, Zayn came back from the bathroom with Lucas in tow. "You know, this is a very dirty kid. I turned for one second and he was digging in a potted plant. Took us ages to clean up."

It felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. Seeing Lucas with Zayn, clutching his hand and simultaneously hearing Zayn's voice was too much for his body to handle, apparently. "He's a curious three year old. I'm just surprised he hasn't broken anything."

Zayn snorted, taking a seat on the couch, Lucas following him like a shadow. Harry should probably be alarmed that he was so attached to Zayn but he found it easy to deal with. "Do that often, does he?"

"He almost broke my phone by throwing it because he wanted to see if phones secretly had wings." Harry said, sitting down in the chair next to the couch, looking up at Louis who was currently in Lou's chair getting primped for the concert. He winked at Harry then turned his attention away. "Didn't work, did it Luke?"

Lucas shook his head, giggling. Zayn released a full on laugh now, with no restraint. "I like you more now, Lucas. We'll have to make more phones airborne in the future."

"Yay!" the little boy exclaimed, clapping his hands and giggling.

"Oh don't encourage him for goodness sake." Harry smiled but his insides were twisting. _'Now would be a good time to tell him, you're alone.'_ his mind screamed. It made Harry's stomach twist more. He couldn't do it right now. Right as they were about to have their first concert. He wouldn't do that to Zayn. Break his focus and concentration.

Zayn smiled at Harry, light fondness in his features. "Must have picked up his mischievous side from you."

For a moment, Harry swore he saw Zayn's brown eyes darken and it made his blood heat up like it had been replaced with boiling water. He bit his lip, their eye contact not breaking, and it only served to heat Harry's body up more until his skin felt like the surface of the sun and there was a pool of warmness filling his gut. Zayn's eyes moved to his lips briefly and a smirk faintly replaced the smile that was previously there. _Fuck. This was going to be torture._

The haze of their sexually charged staring match was broken by Caroline calling them both over to get dressed "quickly because you lot go on stage soon".

"Alright, you go get ready and i'll watch the little one." Gemma said, cutting through the rest of the heady tension, picking up Lucas and setting him on her lap when she sat.

Zayn was up first, quickly walking over to change his clothes and then over to Lou. She finished with him fast enough because he refused to let her do his hair, insisting he could do it himself. It was like he was trying to dodge confronting what had just happened. Harry was okay with that though because the last thing he needed was to get sexually involved with Zayn again no matter how much he craved it. He'd had no sexual contact since that night they had conceived Lucas. To say he was frustrated was an understatement but he was able to mostly keep himself distracted from the subject of sex with a three year old around.

What had just happened between them however had awoken so much arousal in him it was kind of hard to push it away. Zayn had that effect on a lot of people though. Some might even say he enjoyed making others squirm with it.

He walked over to Caroline, dressing quickly, avoiding her glare at his slow movement and then walked towards Lou, his arms outstretched. "Make me beautiful." he said.

She chuckled. "I won't have to do much then, sweetie."

"Five minutes to stage time, boys. You better hurry up, Zayn. We don't have hours." Paul said, cracking a smile when Zayn scowled at him, finishing with his hair.

When Lou was done with him, Harry walked over to Gemma and Lucas. "Daddy is gonna be gone for a little while, Lucas but i'll be back soon."

Lucas nodded, too enraptured in the book Gemma had brought him to care. "You're gonna do great, Harry." Gemma said in an attempt at comfort.

"Time to go!" Paul said. "On stage now."

Harry took a deep breath, kissed Lucas on the head quickly, and headed toward the stage entry door.

"Ready for this?" Louis asked.

"As ready as i'll ever be." He replied. It seemed to be the only thing he could say in response to that question lately.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Harry felt like his body was humming with energy when he stepped backstage. It was fucking amazing being on stage. There was so much happy energy and adrenaline that he'd forgotten everything he was dealing with. It felt like he was on a high. So much so that when the bright lights of backstage hit him, he got a bit lightheaded.

"I think we should go out to celebrate this. I'm too pumped to sleep!" Niall said, jumping around, trying to get his pants off.

Zayn nodded, smiling. "I think that's a great idea."

"I'm cool with it. Lou?" Liam asked. Of course he asked. Those two were inseparable.

"Yeah, that sounds good." Louis replied, smiling at his boyfriend.

Harry however was apprehensive about it. Last time they'd gone out like this, he ended up pregnant. He knew when he was drunk his self control flew out the window and if what had happened earlier was anything to go by it was likely Zayn was looking to hook up and he might just set his sights on Harry.

Besides, he couldn't just pawn his son of on his sister to get drunk and fuck someone. "I don't know if I can go."

"Oh come on, Hazza. We all go or none of us go and since you'd be ruining our night, you're going." Louis replied, making a puppydog face at Harry. He knew Harry always felt bad after one of those.

"I have Lucas, Louis." Harry said, pulling on his skinny jeans from earlier. He sighed. He really hated Louis' guilt trips.

"Oh please. Just go out, you did amazing tonight. You deserve some fun. I've got Lucas." said a voice behind him that he knew was Gemma's. She was holding the little boy who was already sleeping against her shoulder.

Harry shot her a panicked look but she just winked at him. "Fineeee."

The rest of the boys whooped and hollered but he was feeling a bit sick. He just hoped the night was a little more tame than some of their other post first concert parties.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

When they got to the club that Niall had picked out, they all headed straight to the bar. Harry hadn't had a drop of alcohol in three years. He knew it was bound to go to his head right away but there was no way he could get out of doing shots if Louis had anything to say about it. Speaking of Louis, he had somehow shown up next to Harry without him noticing. He looked around, making sure the rest of the boys were out of earshot. Niall and Liam were at the other end of the bar and Zayn wasn't around but he was probably outside smoking.

"So I caught the rather intense eye fucking you and Zayn were throwing down in the dressing room before the concert." Louis said, startling him out of his thoughts, smirking at him.

"We were not eye fucking. We were just.. I don't know." Harry replied, sighing. Maybe they had been but he didn't want to admit that so easily and not to Louis who seemed too smug for his own good.

"Right. Well he looked like he would have thrown you down on that coffee table and eaten you up if there was no one there. Especially your son."

"Why must you always bring Lucas up like that?" Harry asked exasperatedly.

"Is it not weird to watch your son and his father interact when they don't even know they're related? I'm just reminding you there's a timer on this. If you don't tell him soon and he finds out he's going to be even more pissed that you just let all this time go and you never said a thing."

Harry wondered when Louis had suddenly become the voice of reason in his life. He suspected maybe Liam was having that effect on him. Taming him down from his usual screwball self and whatnot. "Look, I know. It is weird to watch. Especially when Lucas seems to take to him more than the rest of you. Its like he senses it."

Louis nodded. "They do seem to be getting on very well. I'm not insulted at all. Not every child will love me." He let out a dramatic sigh, frowning jokingly.

Harry cackled. "Kids always love you. I just feel like the universe is fucking with me by making Lucas gravitate more towards Zayn."

"Haz, if you think about it, they have a lot in common. Its no surprise he'd like Zayn more. Now, enough about children and the like. Lets do a shot!" Louis exclaimed, signaling the bartender. "Two tequila shots please, my good sir."

"Louis, I said I wasn't getting drunk tonight." Harry warned. He really didn't trust himself right now and tequila had been his poison that night as well.

"Oh come on. Stop being a wet rag. Who cares if you and Zayn fuck again? How long has it been since you've been properly laid?"

Harry scowled. "Over three years." he mumbled.

Louis' eyes widened slightly. "How the fuck are you still alive? Sex is fucking fantastic."

"Says the one dating the boy with a ten inch dick. Obviously sex is good." Harry laughed at the scandalized look on Louis' face.

"Harold! That was inappropriate. You have no idea that's who i'm talking about. He could be horrible with his big dick." Louis downed his tequila shot in one go. Motioning for Harry to do the same. "Do it!" he commanded.

Harry sucked down the shot and looked to Louis. "Who the hell would you be talking about then?"

Louis elbowed him in the side and winked.

"We only had sex a couple times!" Harry yelled, laughing.

"What are you two talking about?" said a voice that was quiet and smooth, and way too close behind him. He felt the voice vibrate his body before he could even turn around. His knees went weak like jelly and by the way Louis was smirking, he knew who was behind him.

"Our past sex life." Louis said, nonchalantly. Harry mentally face palmed. What the fuck.

"Really? Why would you want to talk about that when you could be having a current sex life with Liam right now?" If Harry didn't know any better he could swear he heard a hint of jealousy in Zayn's voice. It made his insides heat up. He wanted to turn around but he was too afraid that if he let go of the bar he would sink to the floor.

"Good point." Louis said, smiling at Harry. "Think i'm gonna go find Li."

Harry inwardly panicked as Louis walked away and he felt Zayn lean on the bar next to him. "So you and Louis like to relive the past then?"

"Just talking about it, anyway. We were talking about the fact that apparently i'm lame because I haven't had sex in a while." Okay that was probably not the way to lead the conversation if he really wanted to avoid falling into a very sexy, Zayn shaped trap but it came out before he had time to think about it. Fucking alcohol.

Zayn nodded, smiling mischievously. "I see. Well as I remember we had a pretty steamy encounter in the past too."

 _Not good! This is not good! Turn around and walk out!_ His brain was yelling at him to have some common sense but at the same time, it was only coming through like static on a tv screen. "We did." he agreed. That was innocent enough, right?

"You know, I wouldn't really mind it happening again."

His breathing felt like it had stopped. _Oh god, I can't do this._ he thought. _But you want to._ his subconscious fired back at him. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he hadn't been aware that he'd let out a tiny little whimper or that Zayn had moved into his space, his hand on the small of his back, underneath his shirt.

"Its okay, babe. We don't have to do it right now." he whispered against Harry's ear, gently sucking on the boy's earlobe.

Harry was about two seconds from throwing himself on top of Zayn and kissing the fuck out of him and asking him to ruin him when Zayn pulled away and disappeared into the crowd. He was going to scream _'No come back.'_ but his mouth was too dry. The skin on his back burning where Zayn's hand had been and warmth weighing in his gut. He felt crazed and desperate.

He couldn't keep going like this without finally jumping Zayn and being as careless as he was the first time. He hadn't even been aware that Zayn was even interested in repeating what had happened between them but if he was going to be as teasing as he was tonight, there was one thing he knew.

He was _definitely_ so fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think i've made Sunday my update day. I seem to have more energy and more brain power despite it being the end of the weekend. Even though sometimes it might bleed off into Monday. Like I might update something tonight too.
> 
> So lets just say Sunday-Monday = Update days.
> 
> Anyway, are we liking it so far? Leave comments. ;D


	5. A Day with the Lads & Unexpected Situations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay a longer chapter for once.
> 
> Alright, i'm horrible at having set update days. 
> 
> We'll just go with the fact that i'll update when I can. I'll try to not let there be too much time in between chapters.
> 
> Anyway, i'm inputting a bit of a time jump because I don't want this story to drag. Its not a horribly big jump but just enough to get the ball rolling.
> 
> Enjoy lovelies. xo

_Lips pressed firmly against the skin of his neck, setting his body ablaze like fireworks on the Fourth of July. The foreign mouth moved down to nip at his collarbones, sucking faint red marks into the skin. ___

_"I missed you, babe." the faceless voice whispered. "I've been wanting to get you spread out under me again for weeks." ___

_He suddenly recognized the voice as Zayn's and he felt like his body went up in flames. "What are you waiting for?" ___

_He smirked from above him and dipped down to suck at his stomach, just about to slip lubed up fingers inside- ___

Harry shot up in bed, drenched in sweat. He briefly thanked god in his mind that there wasn't a bunk above him to hit his head on. When they had gotten on the bus they had all unanimously decided Harry could have the back bed so he and Lucas could sleep together because they didn't think it'd be easy to get comfortable in a bunk with the two of them. Now, however, he was feeling a little awkward because he'd had a dirty dream while the little boy was in the bed and now he was stiff as a brick. He'd take care of it later. After the boy woke up and was bothering the others.

It had been two weeks since their first concert (and since Zayn practically offering up a chance for another hook up) and being that they didn't have too many dates before hand, they were already in the North American part of the tour, which happened to be the longest part.

The sexual frustration had hit an all time high lately. Since their discussion at the club, Harry had been thinking about it constantly. He felt horrible for thinking of his own needs when he had a three year old boy depending on him as well but sometimes his thoughts were way too loud. They had just finished dates in Miami and it had been alright for him. Usually Niall or Louis would take Lucas out and about to museums or just to play footie and Harry would get alone time to deal with his frustrations.

Of course, he'd be more thankful for a hotel night because after Lucas found his vibrator and almost ran around the bus with it, he vowed nothing but wanking until he could get somewhere where Lucas' curiosity wouldn't be a danger or an embarrassment. He was about an inch away from just taking Zayn up on his offer but at the same time, his guilt about keeping Lucas a secret was still a problem for him. It was getting in the way of everything. Even his and Zayn's relationship.

He and Zayn hadn't really talked much or spent much time alone since that first night. Of course traveling kept them busy and every so often, Liam would drag Zayn out with them for a little "bro date" as they called it, leaving him here alone with Lucas. Or if he was lucky, Niall or Louis would be around to spare him from the thoughts cluttering his brain or at least to take Lucas to do something. He felt bad. He felt like a horrible parent.

He was getting cabin fever every minute that he spent in the bus alone but he couldn't find the motivation to leave either. Hiding had worn his energy out. It had to be even worse for an active and curious three year old to be cooped up in a bus 24/7 driving, though. He was supposed to be taking care of his son but yet he was just laying in the back all the time unless he pulled himself off the bed to go out to converse with the boys for a little while.

He was laying in the back bed again when he felt the bed dip lower than it usually would if Lucas was getting up on it.

"You look bored." Niall said, smiling at him. When Harry looked up at him, he was upside down.

"I'm bored and sad, Ni." he replied, sighing. He sat up slowly, not wanting to get too dizzy.

"I came back here to entertain you with my loveliness." Niall plopped onto his back, his hands under his head.

"Well I guess no one could accuse you of being full of yourself." Harry smirked, dodging a pillow that was thrown at his head by the blonde.

"Don't be rude. I actually have an ulterior motive for being here, so I can't say that I came purely to entertain."

Harry sighed. "What is it?"

If anything, he knew what was going to be brought up and he was getting sick of it. He knew his bandmates meant well but bringing it up every day only served to make Harry more apprehensive. It filled him with more fear. Of course, that could be fear of the unknown. He knew the longer it went on, the worse Zayn's reaction would probably be but something made his mouth freeze and throat seize up when he tried to get the courage to talk about it.

"Look, I really don't want to sound like a broken record or annoying like Louis but I think you're nearing a closure in the window of possible acceptance of the truth from Zayn. Any later and he's most definitely going to bypass acceptance and go right into being pissed."

"Or he might not give a shit and say that he wants no part in this." Harry said, quietly but it was loud enough for Niall to catch.

"Haz you are one of me best mates, alright and i'm sorry, but you're being selfish. You're keeping your kid from getting to know his father because of you. You don't think he's going to want to be with _you_. It has nothing to do with Lucas and that's pretty shitty. Whether or not you realize that." Niall replied, staring at him intently.

He seemed to have gotten levels more serious since he had first joined Harry in the back of the bus. Everyone was pretty passionate about this subject and they all had a different opinion than he did. Maybe they were right. It was more about him. It was something he couldn't control. His fear was crippling.

"Maybe you're right." he admitted, "I just don't know how to get the words out anymore. I tried twice to say something, to tell Zayn we needed to talk but every time I saw him-"

"Your dick got hard?" interrupted another voice. Louis of course.

"No." Harry glared at Louis and Niall who had started chuckling under his breath. "My mouth just couldn't form the words. I couldn't breathe properly. Like everything, my whole body was in a vice."

"Maybe you need to get laid and relax and then tell him!" Louis exclaimed, clapping his hands.

Niall shook his head. "I don't think sex is going to help him. Especially with Zayn. The whole reason he's not telling Zayn is because he's afraid he won't want him. Harry doesn't need to be even more in love than he already is."

_What?_

Harry choked on air. "I am not- I'm-" he stuttered.

Louis looked at him, smiling softly. "Pretty sure you are, Harry. Whether you want to admit it or not."

He felt like he couldn't breathe again. He wasn't in love with Zayn. He was not. He couldn't be. It was a road to getting his heart broken. Everyone else seems to think he is though. Is the fact that he's too scared to say something the reason for that? He cared about and really liked Zayn but it had never crossed into the love category. He was smarter than that. There was nothing really deeper than friendship to them. Liking was acceptable. Love in this situation was probably the stupidest thing that could happen.

"I'm not in love with him." Harry said, voice strained. No. Why did he feel the sudden pinch of sadness inside him?

Louis and Niall collectively sighed in resignation. "Whatever you say." Niall said.

"We still think you should tell him soon. The acceptance factor could be really helpful for your relationship. It wouldn't be beneficial for Zayn to be pissed beyond reason at you for this, Harry. Animosity in the family can cause toddlers to act out." Louis replied and he smiled at Niall and Harry's stunned looks. "I read a parenting book my mum had."

Harry nodded. It all really made sense. It could affect Lucas, he and Zayn being at odds. Or at least, Zayn being upset at him. It could make Lucas feel like it was his fault and that was the last thing he wanted. It was his fault his cowardice was keeping him from being honest. He was starting to get dizzy. "I'll try."

"That's all we want, mate." Niall said, patting Harry on the back, smiling. "You want to do something?"

"Where's Lucas?" he asked.

"Zayn and Li took him with. Figured he could use some time out, just like the rest of us." Louis responded. He shifted on the bed to slide off the edge and stood up. "Come on, Hazza. We're not letting you sulk here."

"Fine. Let me change." At Harry's response, Niall got up off the bed and walked down the hallway to the front of the bus while Louis remained standing at the door. "Lou?"

"What? Its not like I haven't seen it all before." Louis replied, faintly smirking.

Harry rolled his eyes, turning his back on Louis to dig through his suitcase. He finally found a clean t-shirt, changing into it. He slipped off his joggers and put his skinnies on, turning around. "Ready to go, perve?"

"Why am I a perv?!" Louis huffed, crossing his arms. His brows furrowed and he formed his mouth into a fake pout.

"You insisted on staying while I changed. I've half a mind to tell your boyfriend right now." Harry smiled, innocently, grabbing his phone.

"Hey, I didn't watch you change. If you tattle on me, i'll tell Zayn you want to fuck him." Louis smirked at him and ran down the hall, to the front, and off the bus.

Harry followed him, still sort of dumbfounded. Hearing it out loud, he was almost sure he would have admitted it and definitely wouldn't have minded if Louis relayed the message. As he made his way down the stairs and off the bus, he willed his body to calm down. Now was not the time for this. He wasn't really sure when it would be.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why are we at a bar at three in the afternoon?" asked Harry, looking around the bar they'd found down the street. It wasn't really that busy but it wasn't empty either.

"It's never too early for an Irishman." Niall replied, taking a seat on the stool on Harry's left. He slapped the bar to get the bartender's attention and ordered a shot for the three of them.

"Oh I don't know. I really shouldn't drink."

"Come on, Haz. We don't have a show till tomorrow. Lucas is in totally capable hands. You'll be fine. You really have to start making yourself happy too. It doesn't make you a bad person." Louis said, slurping down his shot, followed by Niall.

"Okay." he agreed, taking his shot, letting the alcohol burn him from the inside out. He loved the burn, if he was honest. It was nice to feel it again. It flowed down his throat and settled into his stomach and he sighed. "That was a lot better than it should have been."

Louis looked at him with his eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"I just missed this, that's all. Drinking with the lads. Being able to relax. Not having any worries." Harry looked down at his hands. He knew his life had changed quite a bit, he just hadn't really realized how much because he was fond of how it had changed.

"Well, you'd be able to do this more often if you said something." Niall said, not looking directly at Harry. He knew it'd earn him a glare from the boy.

"Harry try not to kill Niall at least until after the tour." Louis said, smiling at Niall.

Harry laughed. "I won't kill him. He's right. You're all right. You always have been. Maybe its time."

Louis and Niall both looked at him with wide eyes. They hadn't really expected Harry to ease into this. They expected another argument if they were being honest.

"Really?" Niall asked, quietly.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, nodding. "Yeah, really. I mean this isn't fair. To Zayn or Lucas. When I said I was trying to protect Lucas, it was a lie. He didn't need protection. It was me who needed the protection. I was afraid but my fear should not be holding Lucas back from knowing his father. I need to tell him."

Maybe it was just the alcohol that was fueling this little tirade or maybe it was just to get Niall and Louis off his back. He didn't think it was the second one though because the more he talked about it, the more he realized how much he needed to come clean. It was causing him stress and maybe it would ruin his relationship with Zayn or what little one he had started forming but this really was not about him. It was about Lucas and what was fair to the both of them, not him.

\----------------------

An hour later, everything was hazy. "Maybe we should get you back." Niall said, helping Harry off the bar stool, wrapping an arm around his waist as he walked.

They'd had five more shots after their initial shot and Harry was feeling warm and good all over. Everything was hazy as it had been that fateful night and he liked it. He liked feeling like he was back in the past. He liked the haze and the relaxed, warm feeling spreading throughout his body.

When they got back to the bus, Zayn was the only one there, sitting in a bunk, playing on his phone.

Niall helped Harry to the back of the bus while Louis stayed by Zayn. "Where's Lucas and Li?"

"Liam wanted to take Lucas to the park. I was a little tired so I came back. Proper father figure, he is. Better start giving him kids. Seems like he really wants em." Zayn replied, smirking.

"Oh I don't think i'm having kids for a while." Louis sat on the couch by the bunks, sighing. "I'd be a shit father while i'm so immature."

"I don't know, man. Kids change you for the better, you know? Like you'd do anything to be perfect for them." Zayn said and Louis felt so helpless.

It was a beautiful view, really. Like he'd change everything just to be the parent his kid needed. He sounded like he'd be the perfect father and here Louis was keeping a secret from his best mate. Of course, Harry was his best mate too. It was a hard life. Being stuck in the middle like this sucked.

"That's beautiful, mate. Think i'm going to have it stitched on a pillow." Louis said, wiping a fake tear from his eye.

Zayn laughed and threw a shoe at him. "Shut up."

Just then, Niall came out from the back. "Well, he's resting. He's such a lightweight." he said, amused.

"Now now, he hasn't really been drunk in ages. Give the mortals a break. We aren't all Irish gods." Louis replied, laughing.

"Where did you guys go?" asked Zayn.

"We went to the bar. Had six shots. _Six._ " Niall laughed and sat at the end of the bunk Zayn was on.

"Is he alright?" the Bradford boy asked.

Louis' heart swelled for Harry. If only Harry knew Zayn was gone for him. He could tell in the tone of his voice he was concerned for the younger lad.

"Why don't you go check on him?" Louis suggested, smiling softly.

Zayn nodded, pushing himself off the bed and walking to the back of the bus. Harry was laid on the bed, still fully dressed, his face buried in the pillow. He looked adorable if he was being truthful with himself. He'd prided himself on never getting too attached to his hook ups but Harry had always been a different case. Other than they saw each other all the time, Harry just had a way of pulling you in whether you wanted to be pulled or not. Some of the deepest talks he'd ever had in his life, he'd had with Harry. He was just amazing for lack of a better word.

He knelt down gently on the bed, trying not to wake Harry up. He sat down next to Harry's body, just staring. He wondered briefly how this was more entertaining than anything else. He knew he should probably feel creepy for just sitting here and staring but he was enamored by this beautiful boy. Their night together was one he'd never forgotten. He wanted it again and again. He was at the point where he craved contact with Harry. Oddly enough, he felt like Harry was avoiding him. Come to think of it he was with Lucas more than he was with Harry.

Lucas was another story completely. He interested Zayn. He was such a unique and intelligent three year old. He found himself having more fun with Lucas than he ever did in the clubs. It should probably tell him something. That now, hook ups weren't enough to make him happy. That they were all meaningless and life wasn't all about sex. That he'd rather be with this little boy with his father's dimples than with some random dude.

He was starting to get so fond of Lucas that he needed to take a step back. He found himself wanting to be part of both Harry and Lucas' life. For them to be a little family. The thoughts really startled him. He had no idea he'd even considered himself able or ready to be responsible for a child. He always thought he'd be a bad father. He was inexperienced, he'd done drugs, he smoked and drank like a fish. He'd be a terrible candidate. He'd be a really bad person for a toddler to look up to. At the same time, he meant what he said to Louis. About changing his life for his kid. He'd do it all in a second.

When he looked back down at Harry, his eyes were open and wide. "What are you doing in here?" he whispered, voice raspy from sleep.

"Came to check on you. Niall said you guys had a few drinks and you didn't fare so well." Zayn replied, trying to keep the fond out of his voice.

He failed however to keep himself from touching Harry. He ran his thumb down Harry's cheek. The boy's eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into it. He must be doing _something_ right.

Harry pushed himself up onto his knees. He was a little taller than Zayn in this position and he scooted forward to straddle Zayn's thighs. He cupped the older boy's face and pressed his lips firmly against Zayn's.

Zayn felt himself in a quandary. Would it be taking advantage of Harry to let this continue? He'd been drinking. He'd also wanted this so long that he didn't think he _could_ stop it.

He rested his hands on Harry's hips, feeling the warm skin beneath his thin t-shirt. Zayn ran his tongue over the seem of Harry's lips, trying to deepen the kiss. Harry opened his mouth willingly, letting Zayn's tongue explore his mouth, letting out a tiny whimper when Zayn's hands squeezed his hips.

Zayn smirked on the inside. _Have to remember that for later._ Ultimately, he was the first to break the kiss. "Babe. Let's slow down." he whispered. While he really wanted nothing more than to fuck Harry until he couldn't walk, he wouldn't do this while Harry was drunk.

"No." Harry whined, clinging to Zayn's shirt. Now that the dam had broken, it was like a flood of arousal was rushing out and he definitely wasn't going to let this moment pass. He'd been wanting this for years. Besides, there was no way Zayn wouldn't notice how hard he was now. The older boy was in a similar state as well, which made him feel smug.

"You've been drinking. This doesn't feel right." he replied, but he never let go of Harry's hips. Part of him was reassuring that it was so Harry wouldn't fall but his dick knew better.

"You didn't mind when we hooked up." Harry said and okay that was a good point. Zayn couldn't really deny that.

Now that he had no arguments, he didn't know what to do. Continue this or let Harry pass out. His moral compass was pointing towards the second option but his dick was pointing towards Harry's ass. He chanced a look down the hall way at the front of the bus and apparently Niall and Louis had left because no one was there. At least no one would have to hear Harry scream. _If_ he decided to do this. Why did his insides conflict with him now of all times?

He had absolutely no time to think before Harry whined again and grinded his ass down against Zayn's dick. His face fell forward onto Harry's shoulder and he let out a groan. Obviously, Harry was determined to get fucked again. Well so much for having morals.

"Okay. Okay." he said, voice strained. "Let's get you undressed first, babe. Don't trust you on your feet."

Right about now, the alarm bells in Harry's mind should be screaming.

_What the fuck are you doing?_

_You're really doing this again?!_

_He doesn't even know he's a father once and you're risking it another time?!_

Honestly, his common sense had gone out the window after the fourth shot at the bar and right now his brain is a constant stream of _Zaynzaynzayn_ and _fuck me please_. He has a vague awareness that he'll totally regret this later but right now all he wants are orgasms from Zayn.

Zayn unbuttoned his skinnies and slid them down in a fast pace, not even bothering to unzip them at all. He looked up to Harry whose breathing was already getting heavier. "Think you can handle taking off your shirt?"

Harry nodded vigorously. Probably more so than was required for an answer and then pulled his t-shirt up and over his head. Now he was only in a pair of _tight_ little briefs and he could practically feel Zayn salivating. He felt like his thoughts were being wiped out and his ability to properly answer was basically gone.

Zayn smiled at him and started unbuttoning his own shirt, letting it fall onto the floor of the bus. Harry was biting his bottom lip until it turned red when Zayn reached for his pants. Before he could get them unbuttoned, Harry had scooted forward to the edge of the bed, right in front of Zayn. He looked up to the older boy for approval and when Zayn nodded shortly, the younger boy reached for the button and zip and undid them. He pulled Zayn's jeans down until Zayn could step out of them and push them to the side, forgotten.

Harry leaned forward and mouthed at Zayn's cock through his boxers and it felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. He hadn't been with anyone really since Harry and it had been way too fucking long since anyone had their mouth on his dick. The fact that it was Harry made it all the more better.

"Wanna suck you." Harry said. He was surprised that he could even manage to push any words out of his mouth at the moment. Sucking dick was one of his favorite things though.

Zayn ran his fingers through Harry's hair, swallowing hard, and nodding. "Okay."

Zayn looked way too calm. He'd have to fix that. Harry wasn't really the type to brag but the one thing he'd always been smug about was the fact that he could suck dick better than anyone he knew. He was just going to have to remind Zayn of that fact.

Harry pulled down Zayn's navy boxers, gripping him at the base, giving him a few tugs, then sucking the head into his mouth. Above him, Zayn groaned, his hand finding its way to the back of his head, fingers tangling in his hair. He pushed his mouth down, getting used to the stretch in his jaw. After all, it had been a while. It wasn't long until he was taking it halfway, tongue running along the underside of his dick. By then, Zayn's hand had tightened in his hair but he wasn't doing what Harry needed him to. Finally, he pushed himself down all the way until Zayn's cock was touching the back of his throat.

"Fuck Haz." Zayn moaned, breathlessly.

Harry pulled off his dick briefly to whisper "Fuck my mouth." before he put his lips on the head of his cock again.

The way Zayn's eyes darkened made Harry's stomach pool with warmth. He grabbed Harry by the hair and thrusted gently into his mouth so half his cock was going in at a time. This wasn't enough. He wanted to choke on it.

Harry whined around his cock and that gave Zayn the push he needed to thrust deeper, the head pushing against the back of his throat with every thrust. Harry made faint gagging sounds but it only kept Zayn going. Zayn was moaning quietly with every thrust into the younger boy's mouth.

"Fuck I forgot how good your mouth is." he said.

Harry moaned around his cock again, the back of his throat tightening around his head, and Zayn pulled Harry off quickly. Harry looked up at him with glazed eyes, wondering why he'd stopped. "Probably shouldn't cum now if you want me to fuck you."

The younger nodded gently and fell backwards on the bed, leaving his body on display for Zayn. His boxers were doing little to hide the obvious erection that was straining against the thin cotton fabric.

"You have stuff, babe?" Zayn asked, peeling off Harry's underwear, letting his stiff dick slap up against his stomach.

"Mm. Front pocket of my bag." Harry said, sounding dazed. 

Zayn bent down to grab lube out of Harry's bag when something else in the pocket caught his eye. It was a blue vibrator. Zayn grabbed it and stood in front of Harry.

"So you've replaced me then?" he asked, holding the vibrator up for Harry to see.

Harry flushed even more than he had when he was sucking Zayn off. "No. I just-"

"You just would rather fuck yourself with this than come to me." Zayn interrupted, throwing it down on the bed with the lube.

Harry shook his head, his mouth dry.

"Maybe I should just fuck you with this instead."

Harry whined. "Want _you_. Not that. Please."

Zayn leaned himself over Harry, avoiding body contact, except for his thumb running across Harry's lip, which Harry tried to suck on. "How about I fuck you with this till you're close and finish you off myself?"

" _Please._ " Harry said, his voice getting deeper. He squeezed Zayn's bicep out of sheer anxiousness. When Zayn didn't move he tried again. " _Please_ Zayn."

"Don't worry, babe. I got you. I'm gonna prep you first." Zayn whispered, moving back to kneel in between Harry's now spread legs.

"You don't have to." Harry said.

"I don't wanna hurt you."

Harry shook his head. "Its okay. I like the pain. Besides i've sort of been- I mean early this morning I-

"Did you finger yourself this morning baby?"

Harry nodded, flushing. "Yeah, I had a dirty dream about you."

"Oh really? What was I doing?" Zayn stared down at the boy. He really did look beautiful all spread out and flushed. He wouldn't mind seeing this everyday, honestly. He leaned down to kiss Harry's hips and trailed the kisses up to his stomach, nipping at the skin.

"Mm. You were fucking me. Kissing me all over. Kind of like this."

"You ever use this pretty blue vibrator and think of me?"

"A lot when I was gone. Missed you. Missed all of you." And maybe it was being too honest but he had no brain to mouth filter right now.

"Fuck, I missed you too, Harry. I'm just going to check that you're stretched well enough before I do this, okay babe?" Zayn said, lubing up his fingers, pressing two against Harry's hole. It clenched with the need to be filled. He pushed them both in, being met with little resistance. So Harry really had taken care of himself earlier. It made his dick twitch.

Zayn pumped his fingers inside Harry a few times before he added a third, his hole still relatively loose. "How many fingers?"

"Four." Harry groaned, his hips moving downward, pushing onto Zayn's fingers.

"Jesus you are so unreal." Zayn replied in awe. Had he really taken four fingers? He thought three was good enough to prep him for the vibrator so after he deemed Harry safe for getting fucked so he pulled out his fingers, which made Harry whine, and he wiped his fingers on the sheets.

Zayn grabbed the lube and put some on his hand, spreading it over the vibrator. "Ready babe?"

" _Please._ " Harry replied, sounding desperate to be filled again.

He rested the head of the vibrator right against Harry's hole and turned it on the lowest setting. Harry bit his lip, huffing a moan out. That wouldn't do.

"Don't keep it in. I wanna hear you." Zayn said, turning it off again and pushing the head past the ring of muscle.

"Fuck." Harry moaned as the older boy pushed the vibrator in slowly. It was about half way in when Harry started to push down on it to get it inside faster. He really was an impatient one.

When it was inside as far as Zayn could get it, he flipped it on and Harry gripped the sheets until his knuckles were white and groaned out "Move, Zayn. Move it please."

Zayn started thrusting it slowly in and out. He wanted to make this last, to torture Harry even. To get him desperate to cum. It was hotter than he thought, being able to control this. To control how intense it is. Its different than fucking him himself but still fucking amazing. Harry is gorgeous covered in sweat and desperately moving himself on the vibrator with Zayn's shallow thrusts.

"Fuck. Zayn deeper. Faster. Please." the younger boy had begun getting tired trying to make the toy go deep himself. He knew Zayn was trying to draw this out but he was so desperate for this he didn't know if it would be able to be like that.

Finally, he had mercy on Harry and turned the vibrator up and started thrusting deeper and at a quicker pace. Harry's moans had gone from deep and drawn out to high pitched and short in seconds. He knew when he'd found Harry's prostate because Harry started desperately pushing down to get more pressure on that spot and without hesitation, he turned it on the highest setting, found Harry's prostate, and started thrusting right at it.

His movements were erratic, he went from gripping the sheets to gripping his hair like he didn't know which to hold to bring him down to earth. His moans were still high pitched and his hips were working themselves down as Zayn was thrusting up, making it more intense.

"Tell me when you're going to cum." Zayn said, eager to get inside Harry. Watching him get fucked had made his dick way more interested than he thought and he didn't know if he could last himself. Just watching Harry had him on the edge of cuming.

Harry nodded. "Close."

Zayn turned the vibrator off and pulled it out, way too eager to get his cock in Harry. He leaned over the length of Harry's body, not even bothering to use lube because there was plenty left from the vibrator. He pushed himself inside Harry slowly but started in fucking Harry with a quickened pace right away.

"Zayn, oh fuck." Harry moaned, digging his fingernails in Zayn's back. Zayn found his prostate on the first thrust and stayed for every thrust. It was fun with the vibrator but there was something intoxicating about being inside Harry himself.

Zayn groaned. The heat was even better than he remembered. He was thrusting so hard, Harry probably couldn't even remember his own name, just how to moan, and moan he was. Probably so loud anyone who walked by the bus would hear them. Or just Harry at least. Harry pulled Zayn down into a kiss but they were so lost in each other and the pleasure that they were just breathing into each other's mouths.

"So close. You close, babe?" Zayn asked.

"Mm. Yes. Close." was all Harry managed to say before he let out a high pitched moan and ropes of white cum shot from his cock and up his chest.

Zayn wasn't far behind, his orgasm slamming into him like a freight train. "Harry." he moaned on the last edge of his orgasm.

He pulled out gently and collapsed on the side of Harry, just about ready to pass out. When he looked over to Harry he was already sleeping. He figured he should clean Harry up before he showered so he grabbed his shirt and wiped Harry's chest off and tucked him under the covers. He was a bit disappointed that Harry wouldn't be showering with him but he understood. He headed to the shower in the bus and took a quick shower, getting redressed and sitting on the bunk again. He had a feeling that he might regret this later but for now, he felt amazing. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Harry woke up with a faint headache and a dry mouth. Also, he had a sore ass. He could pretend he didn't remember but he did. He remembered every minute. He wanted to slap himself with a hammer. He'd put himself back into the risk zone by having sex with Zayn again and of course, they weren't safe.

He sat up gently, apparently his ass wasn't the only thing sore, and stood up. He pulled his joggers on and pulled a t-shirt out of his bag. He walked to the front of the bus where the boys were sitting. Zayn was reading to Lucas and Louis smirked when he looked up at him.

Harry rolled his eyes and sat gingerly between him and Niall. Zayn looked up from the book Lucas had begged him to read and smiled. Despite his better judgement, he couldn't help but smile back.

Lucas got off his seat by Zayn and crawled into Harry's lap. "Miss you, daddy." the little boy said.

"I miss you too, Lukey. I'm so sorry. I've been busy." He felt horrible to be quite honest.

The little boy hugged him tightly. "It okay. I love you."

Harry felt his heart melt. "I love you too, sweetheart."

Across the bus, Zayn smiled at them fondly. Harry looked up from Lucas and smiled back at him. Maybe things would be okay. Just maybe things could work out.

Now he just had to find the nerve to tell Zayn everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (So when I was typing this chapter, my google chrome browser just randomly shut on me and I had a ten minute panic attack until I realized I could restore the tab. Phew.)
> 
> I have a sign off page on Facebook that I use for admining Larry pages and i'd love it if you guys would like it. I will post when I'm updating and how much i'm updating. What stories and such. :) - https://www.facebook.com/RainbowLiz2202
> 
> Anyway, i've been working on this chapter since Saturday night. I'm so sorry I haven't updated lately.
> 
> I've been having really busy weekends. Last weekend was my best friend's wedding in which I was maid of honor, this weekend it was my nephew's baptism, and next weekend is my best friend's wedding reception.
> 
> I'm also sorting out my house because me and my mother are moving to Florida (I live in Wisconsin rn). (If you from FL hmu. ;3)
> 
> I won't have a regular weekend until the 22nd. So if updates are scarce, its because i'm busy but I will try when I can to update so it doesn't lag!
> 
> I love you guys for reading this & I would love for you to comment and tell me how you're liking it or just to say hi. I just like comments either way. I like seeing your reactions. Makes this worthwhile. :)


	6. Busted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this sucks, i'm sorry but i'm doing this with about four different liquors in my system right now. I had a wedding reception and apparently it inspired this lovely little chapter.
> 
> This is probably the moment you all have been waiting for. I've got plenty of good stuff to come after too. ;)
> 
> Enjoy! xo

After their first gig in Tennessee, the boys had all agreed upon going out. It had become some sort of tradition amongst them. After the first concert in each place, they'd go out for some drinks. Of course, it'd end up in at least a few of them having massive hangovers the next day, but it was still fun.

It was still early in the evening but Harry decided to bow out. He wasn't avoiding Zayn. _He wasn't._ He just wanted to relax. Of course that was until Louis had decided to stay behind as well. He knew Louis wanted details of what happened between him and Zayn.

Harry had only told Louis the bare minimum when he'd inquired about it the first time. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to go over all this again.

To be honest, Harry was panicking. They'd hooked up _again_ and were not safe. Again. He could be brewing another little baby right now. It made him sick to his stomach. He wasn't even brave enough to tell Zayn about Lucas and he could be pregnant again. The worst part is, he knew Louis would bitch him out for it. He didn't think he could stand that right now.

When they got on the bus and Harry had laid Lucas down in the back bed and made his way back to the front, he saw Louis sit on the couch, patting the area beside him. "Sit. You have some things to tell me."

Harry took a seat next to him and sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"Why do you look like you're going to fall apart? I mean, it was good right?" Louis replied, elbowing Harry in the side, smiling.

"Yeah, it was amazing but it was just a hook up. It was meaningless."

"Haz, you're an idiot. You have no idea how he looks when he talks about you. He looked so concerned about you when we were talking about you being drunk. The things he said about having kids. It made me see him in a different light." Louis said, looking at Harry, smiling pitifully. He just didn't get it. Hopefully the younger lad would have his fears eased if Louis was honest about what Zayn had told him.

"What did he say?" he asked, quietly. It was almost as if he was embarrassed to ask.

"He said kids change you for the better and that he'd change himself for his kids in a heartbeat. To be the best parent he was capable of being. Haz, I really think that it wouldn't be so bad if you told him."

Harry's insides felt like warm goo. Had Zayn really said that? If he had, maybe this whole thing could be easy. Maybe this was stupid. His thoughts were simply paranoia. Based on a bunch of bull his brain had created out of fear.

"We weren't safe." he mumbled. He didn't even need to look to know Louis was staring at him with disappointment etched in his features.

"Fuck, Harry. Are you kidding? The guy already has one kid he doesn't know about." Louis replied, sharply.

"Look, you don't have to lecture me about this. I know that I fucked up yet again. I'm just trying to find a right way or the right time to tell Zayn."

"Tell me what?" a voice said, climbing the stairs of the bus.

Harry's heart stopped in a matter of seconds and Louis looked just as frozen, both of them with wide eyes. "Uh."

"I thought you were going out?" asked Harry, his voice shaking and a little higher than it had been. His heart was slamming against his chest at warp speed and he could feel the sweat building up on his palms. This couldn't be happening. Why did this have to happen now?

"I'm tired. Tell me what, Harry?" Zayn said, his tone sharply inquiring.

Harry was fucked. He was so fucked. He knew there was no way that he could get away with this or distract Zayn now. Maybe now was as good a time as any to come clean. Things could go perfectly fine. The setup was already there, he just needed to take it and run with it.

"Lou, you wanna leave us alone for a bit?" he asked and the older boy nodded, heading toward the back of the bus with Lucas, leaving Zayn and Harry alone.

Zayn looked to the younger boy expectantly, eyebrow raised with curiosity.

"Okay. Well the reason I left the band for a while is because I.. sort of got pregnant." Harry forced out. It came out easier than he thought, of course, the whole truth wasn't really out yet.

Zayn laughed and sat on the little couch in front of them. "Haz, you're a dude. You can't get pregnant."

Harry sighed, sitting next to him. "Oh but I can. I'm fully aware of my gender but I still got pregnant."

"Okay so why didn't you tell me?" Zayn asked, still confused.

"There's more."

"More? Goody." Zayn replied, sighing.

"Do you remember the night we hooked up? The first time?" Harry asked. If it was any more possible, it felt like his heart has sped up. _This is it._

"Yeah." Zayn nodded.

"When was that?" He really hoped he picked up on what Harry was trying to hint at because saying the words directly seemed way too hard to manage at this point.

Zayn looked deep in thought for a moment before his smile faded slowly. _Guess he got it._

The look he gave Harry was one that he'd never seen before. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" he gritted out.

"Please. Would you really have given up your freedom to do the dad thing, Zayn?"

"Is that what you think of me? That i'd just turn you and my own son away?!" Zayn's voice was rising. He was pissed. Harry wanted to crawl into a hole and die.

"No, I just didn't think-"

"Yeah you clearly didn't fucking think, Harry. You chose to run like a coward." Interrupted Zayn, pacing the floor, running his hand through his hair. He looked stressed out.

"I was scared. For a lot of reasons that I probably can't make you understand." Harry was on the verge of tears. This isn't how he imagined this moment going. He knew Zayn might be upset but not _this_ upset. "I didn't want you to walk away from me."

"Harry this is not about us, though! My anger has nothing to do with you having Lucas! This is about a relationship I could have had with my son. You cut me out for three fucking years. I missed out on his first words, his first steps, all the things that make being a parent worthwhile because of you being a selfish asshole!"

That was the last thing that broke the dam. He couldn't hold them in anymore. He felt the hot tears streaming down his face and he felt equal parts ashamed and embarrassed. Ashamed that he'd shut Zayn out and embarrassed he was crying in front of him. "I'm sorry." he choked out.

"Yeah, that's definitely something you are." he replied, venom dripping in his words. "The sad part is, I liked you, Harry. After this though, I don't think i'm going to be able to ever look at you the same way. I didn't know you were capable of this much selfishness."

The worst part is that Zayn didn't even sound angry anymore. He sounded tired, sad, and disappointed. Things which Harry never wanted to bring forth when he had this conversation. Louis appeared in the doorway but he was at Harry's side in a second, arm wrapped around his waist. He couldn't think of anything to say anymore. He was sinking in on himself. Honestly, he didn't deserve forgiveness. Zayn had a point. He really did. Harry had pushed him out of every important milestone Lucas had since he was born to now.

The fact that he knew now that he'd fucked up any chance he'd had with Zayn threw more salt on the wound if that was possible. "I'm sorry." came the numb, robotic response. "is Lucas awake?" Harry asked Louis, who was showing an obvious amount of concern for Harry.

Louis nodded. "Bring him out here."

"Haz I don't-" Louis began, warily.

"Just do it."

Louis moved to the back of the bus and picked up the little boy who was now clad in dark pajamas with little footballs all over them that Louis had obviously bought for him. Lucas' hair was stuck up in all different directions and he had his teddy bear clutched tightly to his chest. He put Lucas down and then moved away.

Harry turned his attention to Zayn even though looking him in the eye felt like stabbing himself with needles. "I just want to introduce you to him formally as his dad. Then i'll leave you alone." His voice was raspy from crying. He knelt down in front of Lucas. "Remember when we talked about you having two daddies?"

Lucas nodded, not saying anything, clutching his teddy tight.

"Well guess what? Zayn is your other daddy." he said, resting his hands on the little boy's shoulders.

Lucas looked over to Zayn, now sucking his thumb. Zayn smiled at him gently and waved. "Daddy?" he finally said.

Zayn nodded and Lucas trotted over to him and climbed up on his lap, laying his head on Zayn's shoulder. "Mine." Lucas whispered.

"Of course, darling. Yours." Zayn whispered right back, wrapping his arms around him.

"No leaving." Lucas replied, pouting and Zayn kissed his cheek.

He shook his head. "Never, baby." 

Harry didn't know whether to melt or stab himself in the face. How could he ever think so lowly of Zayn? To think he wouldn't to the best of his abilities, be the dad Lucas deserves. He didn't deserve either one of them. He didn't really blame Zayn for hating him at this point. "I'll just-" and he pointed to the back of the bus. He didn't even have the strength to finish his sentence. He was too weighed down by the wretched feeling in his stomach. He felt way too many emotions to stay in the same place.

Zayn's expression changed from awe to distaste as soon as he looked up at Harry. He nodded curtly and turned his attention back to his son.

He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to saying the phrase "my son". He never really considered himself the type to want to be a father. Everything in this situation just made sense. His and Lucas' closeness. The things they had in common. This little boy was half of him. He was just majorly insulted that he wasn't trusted by someone he'd known for years.

He was so surprised at and disgusted with Harry at the moment. How could he just be okay with letting him miss out on watching Lucas grow? It wasn't a huge chunk of time lost but there were such big milestones between each stage that it would have made him so fucking ecstatic to see.

He would have loved to teach his son to walk. To see him take his first step after weeks of practice pulling himself up and finding his balance. To have Lucas walk to him from across the room for the first time. To be honest, he would have been a bit misty eyed.

Hearing him say "daddy" for the first time. It would have made him so proud. Like between all the mistakes he's made, he'd finally created something in his life so perfect and right that it erased all the bad.

In his defense, Zayn sort of understood why Harry had kept it from him. They had showed no effort in making the thing between them anything serious after they'd hooked up so maybe he'd misconstrued his caution with disinterest. It did not excuse the fact that Zayn was turned away or blocked out because Harry was afraid that he would not only not want Lucas but not want him as well. It was probably the most selfish thing he'd ever heard and he was in awe of how Harry could be at this level. Not only would he never turn away his own child, he'd had feelings for Harry for a while.

Some (he) might even say that it was cause of a lot of problems with Perrie. Disinterest in general couple things and fights because of lack of intimacy. He didn't want her. He hadn't wanted her for months. Her cheating on him didn't really anger nor did it shock him. They hadn't done anything in months. He reacted the way he did because he knew everyone else expected him to be hurt.

He might have been too harsh with Harry. He wanted to take everything back the minute he saw Harry first spring a tear but he also didn't think that his reaction was out of the ordinary for the situation.

"Daddy sad?" Lucas said, looking into Zayn's eyes with his green ones.

They reminded him too much of Harry. "Yeah, Luke. Daddy's sad."

Lucas patted Zayn's cheek. "No sad."

The action made him smile automatically. He had a way of making him smile with just simple little things. _Just like his other father._ Zayn sighed.

"I wish it was that easy, Lucas. I really do."

"Give daddy kissie." Lucas said, grinning.

Zayn smiled again. "Oh really? You think that'd cheer daddy up?"

"Kissies help when you cry. Daddy kissies my ouchies." Lucas pulled up his pajama pants and displayed his dinosaur band aid that was on his knee from when he had tripped and fallen on some gravel.

"This is a little more complicated than kissies will solve, babe." Zayn picked up Lucas' leg and kissed his knee, which made the little boy giggle.

Lucas lifted up his teddy bear from the couch where it had fallen. "Hug teddy." He held it up in Zayn's face.

"Why don't you hug teddy for me? I think he likes you better." Zayn replied, pushing the bear back into Lucas' arms.

Lucas frowned and Zayn took immediate notice. His little boy didn't deserve to frown. Zayn moved to tickle the little boy's feet, laughing maniacally. "No!" the little boy called, squealing.

Zayn looked up again and Harry was leaned against the cupboards, staring fondly. When he saw Zayn looking at him, he looked away. "I'm sorry. I just- I came out here for my journal."

Zayn nodded. He felt increasingly bad for not speaking with Harry right now but at the same time he didn't want to say anything stupid out of leftover anger that was bubbling up inside him. Somewhere under the anger, he knew he still had some sort of feelings for Harry.

"You're really good with him." Harry sighed heavily. "I'm really sorry Zayn, I should have had more faith in you. As someone who has known you since we were both teenagers, I should have been a better judge of character. I know you better than that. I shouldn't have let my own personal feelings and fear get in the way of you knowing Lucas. You're right, this wasn't about us. Its about him. What's best for him. I'm an idiot."

He grabbed his journal off the little table and headed back to where he'd gone before and Zayn watched him the whole way. He was making it really hard for Zayn to be mad at him. What with looking so utterly sad at the fact that he'd gotten it wrong and lost because Zayn was ignoring him, and now what he just said, they might be able to resolve things sooner rather than later. They really needed to for their son. He didn't want Lucas to feel the tension and anger. He didn't want it to effect the brightness and overall goodness the boy possessed. 

\--------------------

In the back of the bus, Harry was sitting with his head in his hands, Louis rubbing his back. He was crying again. He really hated crying.

"Haz, i'm sorry. I really didn't think he'd react this badly." Louis said, quietly.

Harry picked his head up, wiping away the fresh tears that had fallen. "Its not your fault. Its mine. He's right, Louis. What kind of person am I?"

"Look, I know he had a point to what he said but he could have been a whole lot nicer about it."

"Well, we knew Zayn has a temper. Should have expected him to blow up." Harry sighed, laying his head on Louis' lap. Louis tangled his fingers in Harry's curls immediately. "You think he'll ever stop hating me?"

The thing Louis hated about this was that Harry sounded so small and drawn in. Like from now on, he'd be cautious about what he's saying, tiptoeing around Zayn, trying not to piss him off. Zayn had every right to be angry but he didn't have a right to say rude things, not when it would affect Harry in this way. It was like a return to the previous years when he would concentrate on the hate from fans more than the positive statements. Louis wasn't okay with that. He wanted his carefree Harry back.

"He doesn't hate you. He's just seeing red right now. Give him time with Lucas and he'll be okay." Louis kept running his fingers through his best friend's curls. He knew it always made Harry relax and right now he was pretty sure Harry could use relaxation. He could practically feel Harry melting into the bed. "I guess he's just feeling three years behind, you know? Don't let him dictate what you say or don't say. Don't let him make you feel like you're a horrible person. You're not. You're human, you made a mistake."

"Yeah, well this was quite a mistake. I feel so stupid. I should have known he wouldn't have walked away." Harry's voice cracked and fresh tears sprouted out of his eyes. He was going to have a massive headache later if he kept crying like this.

"Despite what I said about him, there was really no way of knowing what he would do. I just thought since we've known him all these years, it might be easier to just say he would be fine with this. He did say he wasn't upset that you'd had Lucas. At least you're not alone in this parenting thing anymore."

"Yeah, I just lost the chance I had with the guy I wanted to be with." Harry's watery laugh sounded throughout the room. "No biggie."

Louis sighed. "You'll be fine, love. You'll get him back. Just give it time."

"Do you love Liam?" Harry asked, catching Louis by surprise.

He hadn't really thought about the whole love thing. The longer he thought about how amazing it felt to be with Liam, the more he found that he probably was in love with him. No matter how much Louis had loved Harry, as much as it felt so right to be with him at the time, they weren't meant to be. He genuinely felt like they belonged with Liam and Zayn. Like it was just a stepping stone to where they really belonged. Preparing them for these ultimate relationships.

"Yeah. I do. Why?" Louis answered, gently. Although he had a feeling he knew why Harry was asking but he wouldn't press it. Harry had finally stopped crying again and he didn't want to make him start over again. It hurt his heart everytime he cried.

Harry shook his head, closing his eyes. He never really offered Louis an answer but deep down he knew. He knew Harry was in love with Zayn. Saying it right now might have made things harder so he didn't bring it back up. He just stroked the boy's hair as he slept. Up until the other boys got back.

When the other boys got back, Louis hugged Liam tight and kissed him gently. At Liam's questioning glance, Louis looked at Zayn, who was cradling a sleeping Lucas against his chest, and just shook his head, pulling him to a bunk to lay down.

"What's going on?" Liam whispered when they laid down. Louis wrapped his arm around his waist, face burrowed into Liam's neck. Liam smelled good. Like cologne and sweat. It was an oddly appealing combination. Usually he was disgusted with sweat.

"Let's just say it might be tense for a while." Louis answered, sighing, his breath gliding over Liam's neck. He could feel Liam shiver slightly under him.

"What happened?" Liam raised his hand to Louis' head. Gently running his fingers through caramel colored hair. If Louis was a cat, he'd be purring.

"Harry told Zayn. It didn't exactly go well."

Liam stilled his hand. "What did he say?"

Louis whined, causing Liam to chuckle and resume his hair stroking. "He yelled at Harry quite a bit. He was pissed that Harry had kept him out of Lucas' life. I think he was more upset that he missed a lot of things. He called Harry selfish for not trusting him to want to be involved. That whole thing. Now Zayn isn't speaking to Harry and Harry's been crying off and on."

Liam sighed heavily. "Is Harry okay?"

He didn't know what he'd been expecting from Liam but if anything he might have been expecting that Liam would say Zayn had a right to say all those things. That Harry _was_ selfish. Liam had become harshly blunt lately but this situation might have called for it. However, he did not expect the first thing he said to be about Harry.

"He's fine, I guess. He thinks Zayn hates him." Louis looked up at Liam and while he could barely see the boy in the dark, he knew Liam was concerned. He could feel the tension in his muscles. He rested his hand on Liam's chest. "Relax, love. They're going to get over it. Zayn will pull his head out of his ass and he'll apologize and things will be okay."

It might have been a little optimistic but anything to get Liam to relax. He didn't need his boyfriend to be upset too.

"Alright but if this goes on for more than a couple days, i'm talking to them both. We don't need the tension to reach the fans. They're already concerned we're breaking up again." 

And honestly, that was just like Liam. He was concerned with the future of the band as well as his best mates. They'd had numerous conversations about it while laying in bed together. He feared the band breaking up more than anything. Liam wanted the band to do as well as it could for as long as it could because it was the thing that started the best friendships and relationships they'd ever had. The band had started their careers. He didn't think he could ever perform solo or work with anyone else and Louis didn't either. The fans had been the most loyal people ever and he wanted to give them everything just like they'd given them.

Maybe it was part of the reason Louis loved him. He was so selfless and he was always trying to make things work. Trying to help people with their problems. He was basically amazing. Louis was _so_ stupid over him.

"Li?"

"Hmm?" Liam's eyes had shut and Louis had a feeling he was falling asleep.

"I love you." he whispered in Liam's ear. He shut his eyes. Was he going to freak out or be okay with it? He shouldn't have said it now. _Oh god._

"Love you too, Lou." Liam breathed out. He didn't open his eyes but he rested his hand on top of Louis' hand on his chest and he was smiling.

Louis' subconscious breathed a sigh of relief. The world or at least relationships around him might be exploding but for right now, he was happy in his. It might have been selfish to be happy when his best friend was so sad but he'd just told Liam he loved him and he said it back. His heart was pounding against his chest. Nothing was better than being right here, right now.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Zayn had gotten Lucas awake, dressed, and fed. He was all into this father thing. It felt so easy with Lucas. He loved the little boy so much that not being involved in his life seemed impossible.

He thought back to what Harry had said about giving up his freedom. He had a point. If Harry had come to him then and told him he was pregnant he might have had a different reaction. He might have said he couldn't do that. That he didn't want to be a father. As much as he liked Harry, he wasn't the fathering type back then. He was a screw up. He wouldn't want to ruin his own kid and have Harry resent him.

With this new realization, he knew he couldn't just keep ignoring Harry. They had to talk. He asked Louis and Liam to take Lucas with them while he tried to talk to Harry.

"He's already fragile. Just be careful." Liam whispered before leaving.

Zayn nodded his understanding and made his way to the back of the bus when Liam left. Harry was sleeping of course, all sprawled out like a starfish.

God he was so fucking gone for this kid already. He couldn't stay mad if he wanted to. If he tried with everything in him to be mad at Harry, he'd find a way to make Zayn want to kiss him.

"Hazza?" he whispered, shaking him gently.

Harry, startled, shot up and smacked Zayn right in the face. After he realized what he'd done he moved toward Zayn who was holding his cheek. "Oh my god! Shit. I am so sorry. I was having a bad dream. Are you okay?"

Zayn shook his head, chuckling. "Its alright. After yesterday, I probably deserved that. Karma I guess."

Harry looked at him, confused. "Why would you deserve that? I'm the one who lied to you and kept you out of your own child's life."

"Look, I get why now. If you would have come to me after we hooked up and said you were gonna have a baby, I probably would have walked away. I wasn't in a fit state to help you raise a child. I was a fuck up. I was doing drugs, drinking, fucking other people. I would not have wanted Lucas exposed to that." Zayn moved closer and cupped Harry's cheek, resting his forehead against the younger boy's. "I wouldn't mess up our son in that way. In a way, i'm kind of glad you kept him from me until I got my shit together. Until I realized I needed to be better. That I would change myself to be better for him and for you."

"What are you saying?" Harry whispered.

Zayn moved back. He wanted to see the green eyes he'd been crazy about for months when he told Harry the truth. "I want us to be the family we should be. Haz, even though I was angry, I never and I mean _never_ stopped wanting you. I love Lucas and while I can't say we're at the love stage yet, I can tell you that you're important to me too."

Zayn was praying his temper hadn't ruined anything. He was really horrible to Harry the day before and he would't be surprised if Harry said he couldn't be with him. He just wanted them to be amicable for Lucas if anything.

"I never stopped wanting you either." Harry replied. Zayn felt a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding, release.

"Good. After yesterday, I thought you might have. I was a prick to you." Zayn pecked Harry gently on the lips. He was so fucking happy. He was so fucking _lucky_. Lucas and Harry were everything to him.

"Let's just forget yesterday, yeah? We'll start over. Take this slow." Harry said, smiling. He felt like he was in a dream. Like any moment he would wake up and this would have been a figment of his imagination. "We'll ease into this family thing. I'm sort of used to being on my own."

"Of course, yeah. No problem. Lucas is with Louis and Liam right now." Zayn looked at Harry and just felt compelled to kiss him again. "Come here."

Harry grinned. "Why?"

Zayn pulled Harry over by the hips to straddle him and pressed his lips against Harry's. Harry wrapped his arms around the older boy's neck and deepened the kiss without needing to be prompted, letting Zayn's tongue dominate his mouth.

When Zayn pulled away, he was breathing heavily. "What about taking it slow?"

Harry laughed breathlessly. "I got carried away?" He smiled sheepishly.

Zayn was gone. Gone gone gone. For this silly boy with the bad jokes who he'd known most of his teenage life. With whom he'd had a son. "Indeed. I think we both did. I think it'd be best if we don't accidentally create any more mini us' for a bit, though."

Harry nodded his agreement. He knew it was what was best if they really wanted to sink into this whole family dynamic and get used to it properly. He still wanted to be pregnant again though. No doubt with Zayn's baby again. He was pretty much ruined for all guys now. Zayn was his ultimate.

Maybe sometime after they were all comfortable with this, they can discuss the prospect of having more children. For now, he had everything he couldn't live without. His son and Zayn. For once in three years he felt like he could breathe again.

He was happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to add a Lilo moment because I feel like its been really Lilo-less and more focused on Harry and his drama. cx
> 
> So how did we like it? It probably was horrible because i'm now currently hungover and was a tad intoxicated when I started. .-.
> 
> Anyway thank you to those who actually still read this. xx
> 
> Leave a comment! :)


	7. False alarms, Discussions, and Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally have a goal for this story as to how many chapters I want to make. It could change though as I go along if I feel like I have more I could add!
> 
> Lilo lovers will be very happy with this chapter. cx
> 
> Enjoy!xo

"I think i'm pregnant again." Harry said in a hushed tone, pushing the aviators he wore up his nose, as he and Louis sat on the grass outside the back of the venue they were supposed to perform in the next day, watching Zayn and Lucas kick a ball around outside.

It had been a few days since he and Zayn had made amends for all the shit Harry had put him through and weeks since they'd had sex. He still felt bad about everything and he knew everything wouldn't just clear up in days. Years of deception granted weeks of tension even after he and Zayn said they'd try to be a family. It was understandable. He didn't expect Zayn to even forgive him so quickly, truth be told. The fact that they had had unsafe sex again was probably not going to make things easier. He'd been feeling weird all week.

Louis shook his head, laughing in disbelief. "Wish you were safe now, do you?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. He knew Louis would take the piss. He wouldn't be Louis if he didn't. "I don't know for sure. I've just been feeling funky all week. Kind of feels how it did when I was pregnant with Lucas."

"Would taking a test work?" Louis asked, shifting to lean back on the palms of his hands.

Harry shrugged. "The doctor said last time that tests weren't entirely accurate. To get an accurate result i'd have to go to the doctor and do a test there because they know what to look for."

"To the doctor it is, then."

The younger boy groaned. "I hate hospitals. They're creepy."

Louis looked to Harry with an overwhelming sense of platonic fondness. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Harry pouted and let out a puppy dog whine which Louis took for meaning he did want his company. Louis chuckled and pushed at the side of Harry's head.

"Of course i'll go with you, you utter knobhead." he said and Harry smiled wide.

Just then, Harry had a lap full of sweaty three year old.

"Papa!" Lucas squealed and kissed Harry on the cheek, giggling at Harry's confused face.

"When did you start calling me that?" Harry asked, tickling the little boy.

Zayn walked up to them after collecting the ball they'd borrowed from Louis and plopped down on the other side of Harry, sweat covering his own features. The worn black tank top he was wearing was clinging to him, drenched in sweat. Harry felt like he was on fire himself but not because of the heat of the weather.

There was just something very arousing about Zayn's fatherly side. Seeing him with Lucas presented him with a myriad of inner conflicts. Whether or not he should really find the fact that he was such a good dad a turn on. It didn't seem so bad. Plenty of girls he knew said that guys who were good with kids and good dads were hot. Of course Zayn was kind of thrown into this after years of not having any huge responsibilities but he hadn't failed to come through for Lucas yet. It would probably be odd to admit he had a bit of a daddy kink, especially being a dad himself, but he knew how to separate his life with his child and his sex life. He wasn't exactly sure how Zayn would take it though. If he'd think he was a freak or if it would be something he could get into. It seemed to be a little different when you're actually called daddy by your own child like Lucas called Zayn.

"I thought maybe it might be less confusing. I'm daddy, you're papa. I don't really know. It was one idea." Zayn said, flushing more than he already was from the sun that was beating down on them.

"Well why can't it be the other way around?" Harry asked, sticking his tongue out at Zayn, to which Lucas glared at him. Harry smacked a kiss on Lucas' cheek and he giggled again.

"Nope. I'm pretty sure Zayn is the daddy here." Louis interjected, smirking.

"Oi, not in front of my kid, yeah?" Zayn scolded.

Harry was way too hot at this point and he felt his stomach turning. As quickly as he stood up, placing Lucas on Zayn's lap, he was doubled over throwing up in the grass. Louis was at his side in a minute, rubbing his back.

"I think we need to go now." he whispered to Louis and Louis nodded.

"I think i'm going to take him to get some air." Louis said but facepalmed inside his head.

"We're already outside." Zayn said, concerned.

 _Right._ "Uh I just mean that i'm going to take him on a walk. I think its his nerves." His backtracking sucked but Harry wasn't helping him come up with anything so this would have to do. "We'll be back soon, I promise."

Zayn nodded, a hint of suspicion still in his eyes but he let it go for now as he watched Louis help Harry walk away.

"Well bub, should we go take a nap?" Zayn asked and chuckled when Lucas glared at him.

"No naps."

"What if I read you a story first?" He bargained. The kid was definitely stubborn. A trait he'd most likely picked up from Harry. Not that he'd say that to Harry's face.

Lucas pondered it for moment. "Cookie first?"

"Just one. Don't tell Papa." Zayn picked up the boy and threw him over his shoulder, the little boy squealing and hitting Zayn on the back, walking up the steps to the bus.

\------------------------------------------------

Louis took Harry to the closest hospital he could find after looking up directions on his phone. He got Harry checked in and when the doctor called his name, he went back with the boy at his request. He knew Harry hated hospitals with a passion and if he was honest, so did he. Something about the sterile environment and knowing what could be happening behind each door was a little creepier to him than he'd care to admit.

The doctor took blood samples from Harry and ran a bunch of tests after consulting the doctor that had taken care of him in London and left Louis and Harry alone in the room to wait for the results.

Harry was sitting on the bed, nervously twiddling his thumbs. "I can't believe i'm going through this again."

"Are you going to tell Zayn this time?" Louis asked, smiling.

It was obvious he meant it as a joke but it still struck a sour note, making Harry feel bad again about everything he'd kept from Zayn. The guilt was obviously not easily gotten rid of. "Of course I am. No matter how it turns out. I think i've kept enough from him."

Louis frowned a bit. "Haz, i'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I was trying to lighten the mood. I guess I failed."

"It's okay, Lou. I guess i'm just nervous about this whole thing. He just found out Lucas was his son and here I am, possibly pregnant again."

Louis rested his hand on Harry's, stopping the fidgeting fingers. "It'll be okay. We'll get through this together. Besides, Zayn is practically on cloud nine when he's with Lucas."

"It's too soon for another though. Even I know that." Harry sighed. "We haven't even discussed the possibility of having another baby."

"Well you don't know that you're really pregnant so lets just wait for your results. We'll deal with it as it comes."

After about a half hour of waiting, the doctor returned, a clipboard in hand.

"Well, Mr. Styles. It seems the only problem is a stomach virus. That would explain the vomiting and fatigue you've been experiencing in the past few days. I suggest you stay hydrated as well as you can and this should go away soon. If it persists though, I would suggest going back to the hospital. You can go as soon as you're ready." she said, smiling, and exiting the room again.

Harry sighed but he wasn't sure if it was out of relief or disappointment. He should be really happy because now he and Zayn wouldn't be thrown back into this so soon and they could actually talk about this and plan for another baby if they decide to have one but some part of him wanted to be pregnant now. Harry knew he and Zayn could have dealt with it had he been pregnant. Zayn might be a little surprised and hesitant but he knew now the older boy would be there just like he'd wanted to be there for Lucas.

"You okay?" Louis asked, breaking Harry out of his thoughts.

When Harry looked up at him, he noticed Louis looked concerned. He wasn't really sure what to say anymore so he nodded slowly.

"You wanted to be didn't you?"

Harry stood up, wiping his sweaty palms on his pants. Apparently he was more nervous than he thought. "Of course I wanted to be but its probably a good thing i'm not."

"Oh Haz. You'll have the opportunity to have tons of babies. Now just wasn't the right time." Louis wrapped his arm around his best friend's shoulder, guiding him through the halls.

"The thing is I don't want to have tons of babies. I just want more of a family. With him."

"Maybe it would be good to discuss this whole baby thing before you have sex from now on?" Louis replied, smiling as they walked out the back door. "I mean, I know you're baby crazy, Hazza. Being able to have your own children is probably a dream come true but you don't need the added stress before you're ready and before you have Zayn to help you."

Harry nodded. "Yeah I know. I'm going to talk to him when we get back."

\---------------------------

When they finally made it back to the bus, Zayn, Liam, and Niall were all there, chatting away. Louis climbed up the stairs first, plopping himself into Liam's lap, Niall making a retching sound from beside Liam.

"Oh shut up. You're just jealous you can't have me." Louis retorted, flicking Niall in the side of the head.

"Your bum may be nice but its not that nice, Tommo." Niall replied, punching him in the arm.

At Louis' pained expression, Liam wrapped his arms tightly around him. "Leave my boyfriend alone."

When Zayn looked up from the boys to Harry, he noticed the boy was clearly distracted and looked sad. When he caught Harry's attention he flashed him a curious look. Harry motioned to the back of the bus and got up to move to the back, Zayn following.

When they got in the back, Zayn grabbed Harry by the hips. "Babe what's wrong?" he whispered as Lucas was currently sleeping on the bed.

"I have to tell you something." Harry said just as quietly.

"Okay." Zayn pecked Harry on the lips, gently. "Tell me then."

"I went to the doctor. That's where me and Louis went." Harry sighed, sitting gingerly on the bed.

Zayn froze for a moment on his way to sit next to Harry. "So are you?"

Harry shook his head. "No it was just a stomach virus."

Zayn grabbed Harry's hand, tangling their fingers together. "You're upset about that." he observed.

"I wanted to be. Maybe its too soon for this but i've always wanted a big family. No matter how much pain I had to go through with Lucas, being pregnant was something amazing for me. It made me feel like I had more purpose in this world other than being a popstar. I formed a deeper connection with Lucas than I would have if i'd just adopted a child or hired a surrogate."

"I know you want more. I'd be an idiot if I didn't know that. I do too." Zayn lifted Harry's hand, running his lips over Harry's knuckles, looking deep in thought. "I just think that we should give it a while. We've got so much going on with our careers. I don't want to be one of those parents who leaves their kids with other people all the time." He let go of Harry's hand and tangled his hand in his curly hair. "Besides, we're still on tour. Are you going to make it through while you're pregnant?"

"I don't know." Harry replied, sighing as Zayn's fingers massaged his scalp, eyes falling shut. "I'm sure it could work."

"You'd have to go on maternity leave at some point because hell if i'm going to let you go onstage when you're sore and waddling around."

Harry smiled, opening his eyes, and smacking a kiss on Zayn's lips. "You're cute when you're protective."

"I know." Zayn smiled back at him. "That would cancel tour dates though. I know how you get when you let the fans down."

"I think if they knew, they'd understand."

"That's another thing we'd have to deal with. Management certainly won't be happy."

"I get it." Harry snapped.

Zayn went silent and Harry immediately regretted snapping at him. It wasn't Zayn's fault. He was stating facts. His being pregnant would be a bit of a hassle with a lot of things but he really wanted it to happen. He felt more happy than ever when he was pregnant but even more exciting, Zayn would actually be present for this pregnancy. He could watch Harry's belly grow and be fond and protective over him. He could feel Zayn's warm hands on his growing tummy and wake up to Zayn talking to his stomach when he thinks Harry isn't awake. He craved this. It could be such an amazing experience for them but especially for Zayn.

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered. "Its just something I really want. I know what's at risk. You're right, though. We should wait."

"We'll have another one someday, I promise." Zayn leaned over and kissed Harry on the temple.

Harry dug his face into Zayn's neck. "Those are some pretty big words, mister."

"I mean them. I guess after finding out Lucas was mine, i've sort of had an urge to create a family of my own. There's no one else i'd rather do it with. I just want to be less busy first. I think we owe it to our kids to be there as they grow, right?"

If he was honest, that made a lot of sense to him. Zayn was right. He would feel horrible if Lucas and a new baby would have to constantly be with other people because they were so busy recording and touring that they couldn't take care of them. It was another reason why he left when he got pregnant with Lucas. He wouldn't raise his son like that. at least they were on the same page about that much.

Harry rested his forehead against Zayn's, pouting. "You're right. I hate it when you're right."

"I'm not right a lot, let me have this victory, babe." Zayn replied, making Harry chuckle.

"Alright but just this once." Harry said, laughing when Zayn stuck his tongue out at him.

It may not have been exactly what he wanted but at least they had talked about it and they both wanted more kids. Zayn promised someday and while it wasn't now, it was a confirmation that there would be more and that's all he could really ask for.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Soundcheck the next day went off without a hitch and while Zayn, Harry, and Liam returned back to the bus, Niall and Louis decided to stay off and explore around the venue, leaving Lucas with Lou and Lux.

When they got on the bus, Harry collapsed on his back on the couch. He was feeling better already and he was thankful for it. Zayn lifted Harry's head to sit and rested it back in his lap, stroking the boy's hair. Liam sat across from them after he closed the door of the bus, a serious look on his face.

"Penny for your thoughts, Li?" Zayn said, chuckling when Liam's eyes shot up to his.

"Sorry, I was just thinking." Liam replied, shucking off his sweatshirt.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Harry asked, his eyes closed. He loved when Zayn played with his hair but any more and he was going to fall asleep.

"Louis." was all Liam offered.

"That was pretty vague, you want to expand on that?" Zayn asked.

Liam dug into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a small box, showing it to the two boys.

Harry shot up, head almost colliding with Zayn's face. "Is that a-"

Liam cut him off with a nod. "I've been thinking about it all day."

"Holy fuck, Liam. That's a huge step." Zayn mumbled, still in shock.

"We've known each other years. Even if we haven't been dating long, I feel like I know him inside out."

"I don't need to hear about the inside part." Harry replied, burying his face in a pillow.

Liam chuckled, kicking him in the side gently. "You know what I mean. I'm in love with him. My heart and soul are invested in this."

"Fuck, man." Zayn said, wiping a fake tear away from his eye. "So what are you waiting for then?"

"I can't just propose at any old time!" Liam exclaimed like it should have been obvious.

Maybe it should have been but Zayn also liked to mess with Liam when the boy was stressed out. It was probably mean of him but it was sort of amusing.

"So plan something out. I heard our next gig is in Pittsburgh and we're going to have hotel nights there." Harry said.

"Ooh. You're staying with me right?" Zayn asked, smirking down at the curly haired lad.

"Only if you can behave because if you remember, we do have our son with us."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Can we please focus on me right now before I have a panic attack?"

Broken out of his small haze of arousal, Zayn looked back up to Liam. This really was a huge step for them. No one had been engaged in the group since he had been to Perrie and even that wasn't even legit. He'd mostly proposed because he was under pressure to do so from a lot of outside sources. For Liam to want to propose to Louis, it wasn't a huge surprise but it was enough of one in terms of timing. There had been no signs that Liam was considering proposing to Louis at all which is why it had caught him (and Harry of course) off guard. Though when they'd gone shopping once before, he had caught Liam scanning rings before Zayn looked at him curiously, making Liam flush and turn away.

"Sorry, mate. I think Haz is on to something. When we get to Pittsburgh just plan a dinner or something, just you and him in your room, and then do it." Zayn replied. "I think as long as its you and it's vaguely romantic and heartfelt, it's going to go well."

Liam nodded, pondering it for a moment. "I guess that's as good as it gets while on tour."

"You could go extravagant and buy out a whole restaurant for a night or a club or something but Li, it won't matter what you do. The fact that you're asking is enough for him. He doesn't need fancy. He just needs you." Harry said, smiling.

Liam smiled back. He was so grateful for his friends. More so for Harry at the moment because he knew he would have a better grasp on what Louis would want in these types of situations. He still couldn't believe he was considering proposing. It was a crazy idea but nothing made more sense to him. It would probably seem like a big leap in their relationship but he figured the fact that they'd known each other for years upon years and had practically grown up together gave them license to move a little fast. It wasn't like he was asking someone he'd only known a few months to marry him, he'd had time to memorize every part of Louis' personality. Their dating only served to give him a closer perspective and now that he had it, he couldn't live without it.

"Thanks Haz." he said.

"Anytime, Li."

"Daddy?" said a small voice to the side of them.

"Hey you." Zayn said, urging the little boy to come over to them.

Harry sat up and smiled, pulling Lucas up onto his lap.

"Hey Luke. What do you think about uncle Liam and uncle Louis getting married?" Harry asked and Liam groaned.

"Woowie!" Lucas squealed, clapping. "Like a princess and prince?"

"Yep, though I don't think Louis would appreciate being called a princess." Zayn said with a chuckle, brushing down Lucas' unruly hair with his fingers.

"Yes! No hurting." Lucas said, flashing Liam an adorable little glare. Obviously Lucas had gotten very close to Louis. It was like his own little warning.

"Promise I won't hurt him. Scouts honor." Liam raised his right hand, chuckling.

"Wedding!" Lucas squealed again. "Daddy?"

"What's up, bub?" Zayn asked, his attention turned to his son.

"Luxy has a baby brother. Why I have none?"

Harry's eyes widened and he choked on a laugh, Liam laughing around his water bottle.

Zayn awkwardly cleared his throat. "Well because your papa and I want to wait for a while. You're enough for us right now."

"I'm going to smack Lou for not telling us she was pregnant." Harry said, still in shock. He couldn't believe he couldn't tell.

"I want one." Lucas pouted, crossing his little arms.

"Hey, we'll have one sometime. Just not right now."

Lucas poked Harry's stomach, a look of concentration on his features. "Grow." he mumbled and Harry laughed.

"'Fraid it doesn't work like that, sweetie. I need your daddy for that."

"Harry!" Zayn squawked. "Don't tell him that."

Harry snorted. "Well its true, innit?"

Liam watched them fondly, looking down at his phone when Zayn looked up at him. This was the kind of relationship he wanted with Louis. The more he thought about it the more he knew that he was ready to commit the rest of his life to having this with Louis, the ring in the box burning a hole in his pocket.

Now he just needed a plan to make it a reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited for the next chapter. So much so that I might start writing it right after I post this.
> 
> Leave comments if you like, good or bad, I love reading them.
> 
> They make my day. cx 
> 
> [My Tumblr!](http://stylinsexual2202.tumblr.com) \- Follow me? :)


	8. Perfect Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so overdue. I planned to have this posted so much earlier than this, like a few days after I posted the last but i've been so tired and had writers block. BUT IT'S HERE FINALLY. And its long to make up for it. :)
> 
> I think this is the longest chapter i've EVER written.
> 
> I'm not really sure if this story is really going to be ten chapters or if I want to extend it. If I end it at ten, i'm considering a sequel or at least a separate epilogue.
> 
> Enjoy! xo

After their gigs in Fairfax, Harry was quite relieved when they made it to Pittsburgh. He loved traveling and the bed in the bus wasn't that bad, especially now with Zayn cuddling up with him and Lucas back there but a hotel night felt like a blessing. Being cooped up was driving him mad. He started feeling much better after his visit to the hospital which was a relief to him because he didn't think he could keep doing gigs if he needed the throw up right in the middle of them.

It was night time when they got to the hotel. Zayn immediately volunteered to share a room with Harry and it made sense but at the same time, after his pregnancy scare, Harry wasn't sure it was the best idea. They seemed to be careless when it came to sex. Of course it would be difficult to have sex with their son in the room so that was probably a good reason to not.

"Alright, boys. Be careful getting in." Paul said. "There's a lot of fans and paps outside as always. Don't stop too much, especially you, Harry. Keep that little one close to you."

Harry nodded, holding Lucas close to him, Zayn standing close behind him, his hand on Harry's hip. Paul looked to Zayn's hand and back at Harry.

"Might want to be careful of that." he said, nodding to Zayn's hand on his hip. "You haven't told anyone of the father of Lucas. You know how rumors fly."

"I'm okay with the speculation if Harry is." Zayn said, his arm tightening around Harry's waist.

Harry looked over at Zayn and smiled. "Yeah, it'll be okay."

"Okay but Harry you might want to release a statement about Zayn being the father as soon as you can. It might quell the uproar of speculation. It might even make things easier."

"Daddy, sleep." Lucas grumbled, his head on Harry's shoulder, barely awake.

"Alright, lets go." Paul said, opening the door and leading the way.

To Harry, walking through the crowd of fans and paps was a blur of flashing lights, faces, and random questions.

_Who's the father of your little boy, Harry?_

_Are you dating anyone new?_

_Is he Louis'?_

That one amused him the most if he was perfectly honest. Everyone was so stuck on the whole Larry thing after all these years. No one was the wiser and perhaps he was thankful for it. He was all about being open about everything. After all he'd put the fans through with running away, they deserved it. He couldn't help but feel like he wanted to keep his new little family his own for a little while longer before exposing it to the judgement of the outside world.

The hotel was nice and fancy. Just like any other hotel they'd spent nights in. A huge lobby with marble floors and black marble walls. A silver elevator smooth and glimmering in the wall in front of them.

Paul used to say _Nothing but the best for my boys._ He loved to pretend he was a hardass but he really had a soft spot for all five of them. It warmed Harry's heart to know they had such a caring person looking out for them all tour. In the beginning, it felt foreign to him, being on tour but Paul helped it feel normal.

He handed them their room keys and sent them on their way as he stayed to discuss things with security.

The elevator ride was silent, all the boys tired from the previous concerts and the journey to the hotel. Once they arrived at their floor, there were mumbles of goodnight from each of them, Louis and Liam splitting off to the right, Niall to the left. Conveniently, his and Zayn's door was just diagonal from the elevator doors. Harry silently thanked god that he wouldn't have to walk much farther before he could pass out in the bed.

Zayn slid the keycard in the slot and unlocked the door, pushing it open and holding it for Harry to slip through. Harry put Lucas gingerly on the couch that was across from the bed. He was fast asleep. Of course their kid would be able to sleep through a bunch of screaming fans and paps. He fell back onto the fluffy white bed, sighing.

"I'm sleeping for a thousand years." Harry said, closing his eyes, resting his hands next to him.

He heard Zayn chuckle from somewhere across the room, then felt the bed dip beside him and lips on his neck, Zayn's arm snaking around his waist.

"Zayn." Harry whined. "Don't."

"He's fast asleep, babe." Zayn mumbled, kissing Harry's neck. "Besides, i'm not doing anything wrong."

"You know what this does to me." Harry pushed at Zayn's chest, trying to get him away.

Harry's sanity and self control were on tight ropes right now and if Zayn did anymore shaking of that tight rope he'd definitely fall. It seemed a little weird to do anything sexual with your child five feet away anyway.

Zayn kissed Harry's cheek and moved away, stripping off his shirt and throwing it on the floor. "Alright, alright. I'll behave for now."

If there was one thing Harry knew about himself, it was that whenever Zayn was shirtless and exposed his flawless body (in Harry's opinion), and tattoos that were inked all over his body, he got a little hotter than normal. He knew Zayn was trying to turn him on enough that he wouldn't care if Lucas was there. He was trying to get Harry desperate for some sort of contact. It definitely wasn't going to work if he had anything to say about it. Zayn may be seductive and more attractive than any guy he'd ever seen in his life but he wasn't going to weaken.

Of course, ten minutes later, his will to be strong all but disappeared. Zayn was in the middle of the bed, Harry straddling his lap, shoving his tongue into Zayn's mouth. Zayn's hands were shoved up the back of his shirt, clawing at his skin. Harry's whole body was thrumming with arousal. It had been so long since Zayn had his hands on him. Way too long if you asked Harry. This was going way too fast and Harry was dizzy with it all. He needed to be competent so something like the pregnancy scare didn't happen again.

Harry released a breathy moan when Zayn moved his lips to his neck, sinking his teeth into the skin and sucking in bruises. Harry dug his fingernails into Zayn's bare biceps and grinded his ass down against the obvious bulge in Zayn's jeans. Zayn groaned into his neck, clutching the boy's hips hard, and Harry felt something prickling at his skin from the inside out.

It was guilt. His conscience eating at him. It felt cheap to fuck with a three year old five feet away from them. He knew he was going to regret what he was about to do and Zayn might be upset but it was the right thing to do.

"Zayn." Harry moaned out. It was meant to sound more stern but with Zayn messing with his nipples, it was anything but. He pushed Zayn back by the chest and took a moment to clear his head. "Stop."

He looked at Harry, concerned, breathing heavily. "What's wrong baby?"

"We can't do this. Not with Lucas here. It just feels weird."

Zayn sighed, nodding and falling back against the bed. "I get it. I don't like it but I get it."

Harry crawled up over Zayn, kissing him on his neck, whispering against his ear. "Why don't we get Niall to take Lucas tomorrow night?"

Zayn grabbed the boy's hips. "Yeah?"

"Yeah and then when we come back, you can fuck me." Harry looked down at Zayn smirking.

He knew without words having to be spoken that Zayn agreed with his plan. His brown eyes darkened and the grip on his hips tightened. It was a pretty good plan if he did say so himself. Niall loved spending time with Lucas and Harry really needed adult time. Adult time with Zayn.

"Well I am going to take a shower then." Zayn sat up, pushing Harry off him gently, walking to the bathroom. Before he closed the door, he looked back to Harry. "You better be ready tomorrow night. Its been a while Haz. I'm going to ruin you." he finished with a smirk and turned into the bathroom, shutting the door.

Harry's body was buzzing with anticipation. It was likely to be a long but good day. With the look on Zayn's face before, he'd be lucky if he was only slightly limping for the concert the next day. He stripped off his shirt and jeans and climbed into bed, falling asleep before Zayn had even finished his shower.

\-----------------------------------------

Down the hall, Liam sat on the bed he was sharing with Louis, scrolling through his twitter feed, his anxiety about to reach colossal levels. He was going to propose to the older boy tomorrow and he would be lying if he said it didn't make him a tad- scratch that- completely fucking nervous.

He was thankful Louis had already gone to bed by the time he'd gotten done replying to messages in his phone from various friends and family. If Louis was awake and saw what a wreck he was, he'd catch on that there was something Liam was hiding and then he'd never stop trying to get it out of him until he bursted.

It was kind of like knowing you got someone the perfect birthday gift but their birthday isn't for days and you just want to give it to them right away. You have no patience to wait. That's how the anxiousness was making Liam feel.

There was even a text from Sophia on his phone but he wasn't going to tell Louis that.

Louis didn't hate her but he wasn't particularly fond that they still kept in contact. Liam supposed Louis was still sore at her for breaking his heart. There was no ill will between them now was the thing Louis didn't understand. Their break up was nasty but they had a conversation shortly after he had begun dating Louis and patched things up. She was even supportive of them and she was integral in keeping him from losing his mind before tomorrow.

**From Sophia:** _Are you still alive? :P_

Liam rolled his eyes. He wasn't that bad, was he? Sure he'd probably caps locked her to death, saying he was panicking and he didn't know what to do because Louis deserved the best proposal ever but he was fine now. He could do this. He had a plan and he could handle this. He just needed to remember to breathe but he was totally fine.

He never in his life thought he would be at this milestone so soon. He was still young. He had his life ahead of him and yet he couldn't imagine any part of his future without Louis in it. Whether they were in this band until they were sixty or they made their future around writing music for other artists, he needed Louis to be there for all of it. He wanted to have all these experiences with him rather than alone. He didn't think he'd be so ready for marriage so quickly but he had opened his mind to the possibility and it just seemed to make sense.

Now he just needed to put his plan in motion and pray that he didn't fuck it up. His phone vibrated against his leg and he picked it up and opened it to see a good luck text from Sophia. He simply sent a smile emoji back. Yeah. He was pretty sure he'd need all the luck he could get.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Harry woke up and found Zayn's side of the bed empty. It was still warm and wrinkled so he knew it couldn't have been too long since the boy had gotten up. He stretched, rolling over to look at the small alarm clock on the nightstand. It read 9:07 am. Earlier than he'd ever expected Zayn to be up.

He yawned and sat up, rubbing his eyes, and wrapping the sheet around his body. He got up off the bed, looking over to Lucas who was still asleep on the couch, snoring softly, and made his way to the balcony.

When he got out there he noticed Zayn sitting in one of the patio chairs, cigarette between his fingers. He smiled when he noticed Harry, blowing out a steady, slow stream of smoke. Harry moved over to him, a smile on his own face, and sat on his lap.

Zayn took a long drag and turned his head, avoiding blowing the smoke into Harry's face. Harry kissed him on the cheek, smiling.

"I thought you quit?" he said, running his fingers gently through Zayn's damp hair. He'd obviously taken a shower before he came out here. Harry was probably the only one who could touch Zayn's hair without him freaking out.

Zayn shrugged. "I don't smoke much. Just when i'm frustrated or stressed out."

"I guess I frustrated you quite a bit last night, hm?" Harry replied, giggling.

Zayn laughed and wrapped his arm around Harry's waist, kissing his shoulder through the sheet. "Sort of but I guess that's why i'm excited for tonight. Not just for the sex but us just being able to spend time together alone. I love Lucas but i've been wanting to get you on your own for ages."

"Yeah, I guess I just feel bad. I haven't been spending as much time with him as I did when he was a baby. Everything is so hectic is distracting."

Zayn nodded. "Imagine how I feel." At Harry's look of sadness, Zayn continued, "Hey, I should be pissed but i'm not anymore. I'm just glad he's in my life now. We have plenty of time to spend with him. It doesn't make us horrible to take one night alone."

Harry stood up, stretching slightly. "Well I guess I should wake him up and get him ready to go with Niall."

"He's still sleeping? I guess that's my trait, eh?" Zayn said, laughing and throwing his cigarette over the balcony, following Harry back in the room.

Harry moved over towards the couch where the little boy was laying on his stomach, his face buried into the cushion, and rested his hand gently on Lucas' back.

"Luke, sweetheart wake up, you're going to spend the day with uncle Niall. You have to get ready." Harry whispered.

Lucas grumbled and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Tired daddy."

Zayn moved towards his two favorite boys and picked up Lucas in his arms. "I know but aren't you excited? Uncle Niall is going to take you to do all sorts of things today."

Lucas nodded and laid his head on Zayn's shoulder. The one thing Harry could never deny is that seeing Zayn and Lucas together made his heart swell over three hundred times the size of his body. It was the most adorable thing he ever saw and it was just way too early for this level of cuteness.

"Why don't you get him dressed and i'll take a shower. Then we can take him to Niall's room." Harry said, throwing the sheet on the floor and disappearing into the bathroom at Zayn's nod of agreement.

Zayn put Lucas down on the bed and searched through Harry's suitcase for clothes to change Lucas into. He decided on a black shirt with designs all over it and jean shorts. He pulled Lucas' pajama top over his head, the little boy slumped over, not really giving him much help. He slipped Lucas into the shirt and got his shorts on and tapped him lightly on the bum.

"There. All dressed. Are you ready to go with Uncle Niall?" Zayn asked.

Lucas nodded, smiling. He finally seemed more awake. "Yes daddy."

Just as Zayn got Lucas' shoes on, Harry walked out from the bathroom, a towel draped low around his waist. He made his way over to his suitcase, pulling out clothes, unaware of the hungry eyes on him. He grabbed a shirt, pair of boxers, and jeans and made his way back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

When Zayn got himself back under control, Lucas was staring up at him curiously.

"Daddy you mad?" he asked and Zayn chuckled.

"Of course not, Luke. Daddy is just concentrating."

Before Lucas could say anything further, Harry was coming out of the bathroom, dressed in a t-shirt and his signature black skinnies. Zayn wasn't surprised that after all these years his style hadn't changed, even after becoming a dad. He'd probably be a carbon copy of Mick Jagger when he was older. All rock and roll style. Harry was never meant to wear anything other than skinny jeans. Especially with legs like that and Zayn was thankful that Harry had discovered the wonder of skinny jeans so early in their career. It gave him years of ogling Harry's legs. Even if he was supposedly straight at the time.

"Ready?" Harry asked, smiling at Zayn blatantly staring at him.

Zayn broke out of his thoughts at the sound of Harry's voice, nodding, and picking up Lucas again. "All set. We're all dressed and ready to go see uncle Niall."

"Yes!" Lucas cheered.

Harry smiled and opened the door, peeking out of it. Paparazzi could be sneaky and he really didn't want them to attack his family. When he was sure there was no one he would consider dangerous in the hallway, he walked out into the hall, Zayn following close behind.

"You have the keycard right?" Zayn asked, before closing the door.

"Yeah its in my pocket." Harry replied, patting his jeans pocket and walking down the hall to Niall's room.

When they got to Niall's door, Zayn laid a hard knock on the wood and the door swung open not even two minutes later.

"Uncle Ni!" Lucas squealed, making grabby hands at Niall.

"Lukey!" Niall grinned, grabbing the little boy from Zayn's arms. "How are you this morning buddy? Ready for some fun?"

Zayn smiled at the exchange. Niall really was so good with kids for someone who was more interested in drinking than the average person. Then again, he knew Niall was always good with kids if seeing him with Theo was anything to go by.

"You behave and don't get my kid into trouble, yeah?" he said, giving Niall a stern look.

Niall flashed him an innocent smile. "Who me? I was just going to take him to a pub and use him to pick up ladies."

Harry glared at him. "Don't be a bad influence on my son or i'll cram a shoe up your ass with my foot still in it."

"Yes sir." Niall saluted him, turning to Zayn. "You really need to get him laid, he's getting cranky."

"What that mean?" Lucas asked, his little brows furrowing.

"Niall." Zayn warned and Niall backed off.

"So what do you two plan on doing today?" he asked instead.

"There's a place I saw earlier that I want to take Haz to. I think it'll be fun."

The Irishman nodded, looking down at the little boy. "Well should we let your parents go and have our own fun?"

Lucas frowned. "Daddy." he whimpered.

"You'll see us tomorrow baby, I promise." Harry said, kissing Lucas on the forehead.

Lucas started crying and struggling against Niall, reaching his little arms out to Zayn as they walked out and it was like a knife in Zayn's heart. He really hoped the little boy understood it was just for a night and that he wasn't breaking the promise he made not to leave him.

Harry looked over at Zayn and stopped him, grabbing his hand.

"Are you okay?"

Zayn sighed heavily. "I feel horrible. He was so sad."

"Babe, he knows you're not going anywhere. Little kids do that all the time. He'll be okay and he'll have fun with Niall. Things will be okay." Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn, kissing his shoulder.

"I know. I'm weak. I just wanted to hug him and not leave."

"Do you want to just stay here?" the younger boy asked.

Zayn shook his head, pulling away, and grabbing Harry's hand. "No I want to do this. It was just a bump in the road. Plus, I really want to take you to that place."

\-------------------

As it turns out, the place Zayn was so excited to go consisted of jumpsuits and paint balloon fighting. The course was much like a paintball course. Random walls and blow up obstacles were scattered around a big patch of grass.

Zayn looked like an excited child at Christmastime with how his eyes lit up at the sight of the course. He paid the man at the front and got their jumpsuits and their little shoulder bags full of paint balloons, handing one of each to Harry. Harry was a bit hesitant because he'd never done this type of thing before and when he got nervous he usually screwed things up.

"You ready?" Zayn asked, looking over at Harry.

Harry nodded hesitantly and walked over to the course and just as he got in front of a wall, he let out a very unmanly squeal as a green balloon zoomed past his head, splattering against the wall. Harry glared over at the source, Zayn smiling innocently.

"Oh its on now." Harry said, digging out a balloon and throwing it at Zayn's retreating back.

Luckily his aim seemed to be working in his favor because it smacked Zayn right in the back and splattered yellow all over the white jumpsuit. When Zayn looked back at him, he giggled and ran.

"Oh no, you come back here, you little shit!" Zayn yelled, running after him, a red balloon in his hand ready to be thrown.

Harry found his way behind a slab of wood with pipes surrounding it and a little glass window in it, breathing heavily. It was barely tall enough to hide him, he had to squat down to even hide. Zayn was currently calling his name in a teasing tone, urging him to come out and that he didn't have anything but he wasn't falling for it. He looked through the window and Zayn was just in front of him. Harry grabbed a green balloon out of his pouch, and stood up straight, launching it at Zayn. The balloon hit him right in the chest and Harry cackled at Zayn's surprised face.

Harry bent down and stuck his tongue out at Zayn through the window in the bored and Zayn threw his balloon, it splattering all over the glass. Harry jumped up and laughed, dancing around. Zayn ran up to him and picked him up by the waist, spinning him around, and setting him back down. Harry wrapped his arms around Zayn's neck.

"You're cheating." Zayn said, kissing Harry gently.

Harry giggled. "You're just saying that because that last one didn't hit me and you're mad."

The older boy pondered it for a moment. "Maybe. I think i'm done with this though, you want to find something else to do?"

Harry nodded. "I'm done with this damn jumpsuit."

"You look kind of cute." Zayn replied, pinching Harry's cheek.

Harry slapped his hand away and whined. "Let's go."

\---------------------

When they had changed out of the jumpsuits, they made their way to a little diner they had found up the street for lunch. Harry hadn't even noticed that they'd spent hours at that course but time flies and all that.

"I want to go out tonight. Find a club, dance, and just have some fun." he said, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Well it has been awhile. You usually avoid going out." Zayn replied, scooping up his soup with his spoon.

"I just don't want to end up having another scare. You know how we are when we're drunk. Things happen, for example, Lucas."

Zayn laughed. "Yeah I suppose that wasn't one of our more bright ideas, being unsafe. However, Lucas is one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Aside from you."

Harry reached across the table and laid his hand on top of Zayn's, biting his lip. "I'm really happy you're in our lives." He looked down. "I really like you."

He smiled softly, tangling their fingers together. "I really like you too. It might be more than liking, if i'm honest, but we'll save that for another day."

\---------------------------------------------------------

Back at the hotel, Liam was definitely losing his mind. He was a huge bundle of nerves and he didn't really have anyone to talk to. Zayn and Harry were out on a date, Niall had Lucas, and of course he couldn't talk to Louis. Really the only one that was left was Paul and if he was being honest, he didn't feel like having management fucking things up like they always did. They always found out if Paul knew. No, no one was going to have control over this situation but him.

Louis was currently out with Lou and Lux having a day out so Liam could prepare everything for that night. He was grateful to her for keeping him distracted while he planned things out, lost his mind, and found it again.

Sophia had text him again that morning to wish him good luck and remind him that Louis loved him and he'd probably say yes. It helped a little but he was still nervous. There were factors that would prevent Louis from saying yes if he thought from a rational perspective, unlike he was, but then again Zayn had been engaged when their career was in full swing. Of course it was over now but he didn't think Louis was interested in anyone else and Liam never had a negative thing written about him in articles.

Louis would be back in a few hours so he needed to have everything ready by then. He was pretty sure he could but waiting afterward would be the hard part. He always got so anxious when he had to wait for something. He and that particular emotion didn't really mesh well.

He called room service and specified a time for the meals to be arrived, he ordered flowers and placed them, and bought candles and set them in the particular spots he wanted them to be. Including two taller candles in the middle of their table that he had specifically called down and ask to be delivered to their room.

He was really appreciative of the hotel staff agreeing to his demands without question. He wanted to be completely out as much as Louis did. As much as everyone did but there was enough pressure on him just proposing to the person he loves. He didn't need more from a leaked story from a nosy hotel employee who was bitter about all the things he'd had them doing. He was just trying to make this night perfect for Louis. For both of them, really. They both deserved it but Louis especially.

He really just had to find a way to keep it together until Louis got back.

\----------------------------------------------

Later that night, Zayn and Harry ended up at a club, taking shots at the bar. Zayn had his arm wrapped around Harry's waist, uncaring of the people around them. He was simply happy he and Harry were out and having a good time.

After their fifth shot, Zayn leaned over and kissed Harry on the temple, resulting in a bright, hazy smile from the younger lad. Harry leaned in and pecked Zayn on the lips but the kiss soon turned heated. A battle of tongues over dominance in which of course Harry let Zayn win.

Zayn pulled away, breathing heavily, his forehead resting on Harry's. "Lets go back."

Harry bit his lip and nodded, pushing himself off the bar and pulling Zayn out the door by the hand. They were all hands and heated kisses in the cab. They were honestly a bit surprised the driver didn't pull over and kick them out.

They stumbled into the hotel, waving to the person at the front desk, and smiling, then heading for the elevator. Zayn pushed Harry against the elevator wall and attacked his neck, sucking bruises he knew would be noticeable tomorrow. Lou would probably complain about the amount of makeup she'll need to use but he honestly didn't care.

When they got to the room door, Harry pulled the key card out of the pocket, struggling to concentrate enough to slide it into the slot with Zayn pressed up against his back, burning the skin beneath his shirt with kisses.

They finally got the door opened and Harry stumbled forward and after Zayn walked past him he closed the door. He turned back to the younger and grabbed the bottom of his thighs, hoisting him up. Harry locked his legs around Zayn, wrapping his arms around the older boy's neck, and pressed their lips together.

He pushed his tongue into Zayn's mouth as he walked them backwards to the fluffy white bed and he dropped Harry onto it. Harry pushed himself back more towards the headboard and Zayn crawled up over him, locking their lips once again, pressing his hips down against his boyfriend's. Harry groaned and pushed his up against Zayn's, their stiff cocks rubbing together through their jeans. Harry needed contact though.

"Off." Harry whined, tugging at Zayn's jeans.

Zayn nodded and kneeled up, removing his shirt and tossing it, his hands slowly drifting down to his pants. He wanted to tease Harry just a little. It was starting to get hard to stay upright though. Those last shots were probably a bad idea. He finally got his hands on his pants and undid the button, sliding down the zip as well. He pushed them down a little, smirking down at Harry who looked desperate to see the stiff cock hidden beneath the fabric.

"Zayn, please." Harry pleaded.

He finally laid on the bed next to Harry and pulled off his jeans, throwing them on the floor. He helped Harry out of his clothes and rested on his side next to the boy. He looked over at Harry and swore he never saw a more beautiful sight. Pale skin flushed, lips bitten red, eyes dark green, sweat in a thin sheet on his body, he looked like art. He looked gorgeous. He leaned over, kissing Harry on the neck. And then it just came out.

"Let's have another baby."

Harry froze on the spot. He was wondering if that had been a dream or something his subconscious had made up in response to wanting another baby.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered.

Zayn nibbled into Harry's skin. It was making it hard for him to concentrate but this subject was too huge to just be completely distracted from.

"Wanna get you pregnant." Zayn mumbled. "Bet you'd look so good. All full with my baby."

He really wished the way Zayn was talking wasn't turning him on more but it was. He wondered if it would be right to let this go on. Especially now that he knew Zayn probably had no intention of being safe. He'd constantly said they should wait to have another baby but weren't drunk mutterings sober thoughts? Did he really want this, he was just scared to admit it?

When Zayn ground down against him again, he let out a faint moan. "Zayn, I don't think-"

"Please." he begged, voice strangled.

He had a feeling things would be different in the morning but at the moment, Zayn sounded so sincere. He nodded his agreement and Zayn beamed, however drunkenly. Tonight was definitely going to be a game changer.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Liam sat at the table, waiting for Louis to get back, the room all decorated how he'd planned it before. It was amazing he accomplished all this with little to no help and he was still living. His anxiousness and nerves had ebbed. It was mostly excitement now.

He'd planned a unique way for Louis to find the ring. Technically, he'd stolen it off the internet but he thought it was perfect for Louis. He was always a junk food addict no matter how much he wasn't supposed to have it when he trained with the Rovers but the ring box was on top of a pizza he'd ordered, inside a pizza box because he knew Louis favored pizza over all junk food. The inside cover read "Marry me?" It probably wasn't the cleanest way but at least he didn't just stick the ring itself on top of the pizza.

When he heard the door unlocking, he stood up quickly, moving closer to the door. Louis got into the room and stopped short.

"Li? Why is it so dark in here? What's with the candles?"

Okay so he wasn't much for romance but Liam was stupid over him.

"Come over here." Liam said, grabbing his hand.

Louis chuckled when he saw the pizza. "You got this fancy for pizza? Liam you're a sap."

"Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

He sensed before he looked up that Louis had frozen. Usually those words didn't come with good news.

"Okay." he said, carefully taking a seat across from Liam

"Louis, you've been a part of my life for it feels like two hundred years now." Liam let out a nervous chuckle. "When I first met you, i'll be honest, I thought you were crazy. You were so outspoken and you did whatever you wanted to do but I had never heard anyone with a laugh so bright or seen someone with a smile so wide." He placed his hand over Louis' on the table. "You've broken me out of my tough, responsible shell in more than one way and i'll admit it, i'm thankful. I don't want to go through life constantly being the strict version of myself that I used to be. I have fun with you. You make me smile, laugh, you also make those damn butterflies everyone talks about, appear. I don't think I could function without you. There was always a part of me when I was young that was scared to love someone of the same sex. That was frightened of judgement. You take that all away for me. You make me confident, feel secure, and feel loved. I need you for my life to work. So I guess what i'm getting at is.." He lifted the pizza box's lid and smiled.

Louis' eyes teared up even more than they had been. When he saw the "marry me?" it felt like time had stopped. Liam was asking him to marry him. Holy shit.

"Yes of course!" Louis squealed and shot up when Liam stood up, wrapping his arms around Liam's neck.

Liam kissed him and then picked him up and spun him around the room. He was so fucking ecstatic that he went the the balcony, Louis' hand in his.

"He SAID YES!" Liam screamed at the top of his lungs, Louis giggling beside him.

"You're crazy. Now management will be on our asses." Louis replied, pulling Liam back into the room, an amused look on his face.

"Fuck them. I have you for the rest of my life. Everything is perfect."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for the first part of Zarry's date I was inspired by 10 Things I Hate About You as you can tell. I just think it's something Zayn would be into. If he could get over the paint in his hair. cx
> 
> I'm sorry there was no sex. I was going to write in a Zarry sex scene but I wanted to get to the lilo proposal and get this posted. I'm also sorry if the proposal sucks. I was having trouble focusing. cx
> 
> There will be plenty of sex later.
> 
> Don't be afraid to comment, I like reading them. :)


End file.
